To Be Free
by canadianpsycho3
Summary: Kate, Jack and Sawyer think about the past, present and future. (Chapter 8) Jack and Kate have a little talk and finally voice their true fellings.
1. Sawyer

**A/N**- This is my first story, so sorry if it's crap. I will try harder on the next chapters. This story starts after the events of 'Confidence Man'. The lyrics used are from the song 'Behind Blue Eyes'.

**Rating**- PG-13 just in case.

**Summary**- Kate, Jack and Sawyer think about the past, present and future.

**Pairing**- Kate/Jack, with a little Sawyer/Kate.

**Disclamer**- I own only my car, my TV, and the thoughts rolling around in my head. _Now onto the story._

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Rain was cascading down onto the beach as Kate sat under the tarps that Jack had put together to make a tent. Sawyer still lay on the makeshift cot pretending to be asleep so that he wouldn't have to face Kate and the look she had in her eyes now that she knew the truth. He didn't want her to look at him like that, he couldn't let her look at him like that. No one was allowed to feel sorry for a man like him, especially her, and that was why he did what he did. He had heard them fighting, yelling and screaming at each other before the storm had come. When she had come into the tent after the fight, he could tell she was crying, and that was the other reason he couldn't face her. He did not want to see her hurting but he had no choice, everyone had to hate him and only hate him. They weren't aloud to feel any emotion but hate and loathing and fear towards him.

_Kate_ he thought as he lay there, she was everything he ever wanted. She was beautiful, intelligent, strong, and brave. She had a certain essence about her that he thought was both undeniably mysterious and intriguing. He couldn't help but be drawn towards her. Then of course, there was their kiss. It was the best kiss he'd ever had and he could have sworn that she kissed him back. He wanted so badly to be with her, but he couldn't allow it. If someone as beautiful and smart and caring as her, no matter what she did to have been in the marshal's custody, could fall for someone like him, then the same could be true for the man he had written that letter to, so many years ago. And that was something he could not handle. So he had to make her hate him, no matter how much it would break his heart, no matter how much he hated being alone. He had to make her hate him, so he did the only thing he could think of at the time, he told Jack about the kiss.

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man _

_Behind blue eyes_

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So that's the end of the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you thought. Good or bad, although I know more will be bad than good. It's all good, either way.**


	2. Kate

**A/N- Okay, here goes chapter two. Thank you to those who reviewed, I'll love you forever.**

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Kate starred out at the pouring rain as her tears silently made their way down her cheeks. _When did my life become so messed up_ she thought. _When the plane crashed? When the marshal caught me in Australia? When I went to Australia?_ But the truth was, her life had always been messed up. Well, at least since she was eight years old, a lifetime ago. But that wasn't what was making her cry right now.

Her life was messed up for a while, sure, but it just seemed to get worse after the plane crashed. Everything she thought she knew about men, people in general, and even herself was lost along with everyone on the island.

She had always been able to manipulate men into getting what she needed. She could always have any man, any time, for any thing she wanted, though she never actually wanted a man for just himself. She only used men for things, things like food, a place to sleep, money, but that was all, until Jack. But try as she might, she could not get Jack to make a move or say that he wanted her. She just couldn't understand it.

Also, she never thought that she, of all people, could ever fall in love with another man. That she would ever cry over a man, but here she was, tears streaming down her face because Jack had yelled at her and said that he didn't want to be near her. That he didn't care about her. And that hurt more than anything she'd ever felt before.

She just didn't understand. She knew that Sawyer, or whatever his name is, was a bastard, but why would he tell Jack about the kiss. She knew the answer. He wanted to rub it in Jack's face that he was the first one to kiss her, that he was better than Jack because of it. But that would never be true. She only kissed him because she thought he would give her the inhalers and because she didn't want Jack turning into the kind of man that would resort to violence so quickly. That is, if he wasn't that kind of man before the island. She didn't think he was that kind of man, he was too caring and too giving and too sweet, but she realized that she probably came across that way to every one too. She just couldn't be one hundred percent sure about anyone. It seemed they all had their own secrets just waiting to be revealed. She now knew Sawyer's secret, but not anyone else's.

And why on earth did she kiss Sawyer back, and for so long. _What was I trying to prove?_ That she didn't have feelings for Jack? Or maybe she was trying to sabotage the relationship before it even began. There were a number of reasons that she would want to do that. One, she knew that if they ever got off the island that things wouldn't last between them. She was a fugitive and he was doctor, he would never go on the run with her. Two, she was afraid that he wouldn't love her back, as she clearly found out. And three, which was most likely the real reason, he scared the hell out of her. The way he made her feel with just a look or when he was around her. The way he had still treated her after he found out she was the convict. Or the way he was able to bring the truth out of her.

For the last half of her life, she had been on the run, moving from place to place, lying to everyone she met. She lied about her name, her age, what she did and about her history. She'd been lying to everyone for so many years that nowadays, it just came naturally. She no longer had to think about the lies, they just came. But when Jack asked for her name, she had said Kate before she even realized what she was doing. And it was always that way when he asked her questions. She could lie to Claire or Charlie or Sayid, but not to Jack. He was also the first person she had ever wanted to know the whole truth. He was the first person whose opinion of her, she actually cared about.

_ But he doesn't care about me._

At first she thought he did. When he first came up to her, anger clouding his eyes, he wanted to know why she had kissed Sawyer. She told him it was only to get the medicine and to stop him from getting hurt. Then he asked her if she had kissed him back. She tried to lie, to tell him that she didn't, but she couldn't. She told him the truth and for a brief second thought she saw a hurt look cross his face. If it had been there it was quickly replaced by anger and those harsh words before he took of to go back to the caves, _away from me_. Jack was the one person she felt she could be herself around. The one person she didn't have to lie to. And now he was gone.

_And no one knows what it's like   
__To be hated   
__To be fated   
__To telling only lies_

**

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Well there is the end of another chapter. It was a little bit longer, but not much. I promise the next chapter will be a lot longer. That is if you want another chapter.**


	3. Dreams

** A/N- Tahtnks again to everyone who reviewed. This chapter is longer, not by much, so I'm sorry. To Smilez4eva, I agree with you, I loved that scene. Anyway, this chapter goes into their pasts a little. The italic part is their dreams, but you are all smart enough to have figured that out. So without further adou, here is chapter 3.**

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It seemed to both Kate and Sawyer, that God must have a sense of humor, because the world was such an ironic place, at least when it came to their lives.

As Kate sat, staring out at the depressing landscape before her, she couldn't help but think that the dreary weather was rather fitting at the moment. She felt like shit. The last few days had not only been physically draining, but they had been mentally and emotionally draining as well. With everything that had happened after the crash, she barely had time to rest let alone contemplate anything.

When she had been sitting on the plane, wrists sore from the handcuffs, all she could think about was how to get away from the marshal, and not wanting to go to jail. Then the plane crashed and the marshal had died and there didn't seem to be any hope of a rescue any time soon. It would seem that her problems were solved, that she should be happy. But trading one prison for another wasn't exactly what she had in mind. Granted, here she was able to move about freely, make her own choices about where she slept and what she ate, but she was still stuck in a place she didn't want to be.

She had always been good at coning men, but the one man she couldn't con, the one man she had ever fallen for, had left her just like her father had. The worst part was, on the island, she couldn't run from him or her problems. She had to face them, and she would have to face him too. And if their next encounter went anything like the last one, she didn't know what she would do. But she would worry about that later, right now she was too tired to think about anything. And slowly, to the soothing sound of the rain, she drifted off to sleep.

_ The little girl woke to the sun shining through her bedroom window. It was her birthday today. And her daddy was going to get her a pony. He had tried to keep it a secret from her, but she was just too smart and too cute, to keep the secret for long. And when he told her that she was going to get the pony they had looked at a month ago, her eyes had lit up with so much happiness that he could have sworn she just found the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It was the last time that he, or anybody, would see that look in her eyes again. Not until 17 years later would that look grace her eyes, and when it did, no one would realize just how much it truly meant._

_ The little girl got out of bed and made her way downstairs knowing that her daddy would have already been up for a couple hours doing the everyday chores he always did. But when she got downstairs there was a note waiting for her on the fridge._

_ Happy Birthday Freckles,   
__I'm sorry I'm not there, but I had to go see a man about a horse. All the animals were fed, Rosie was milked, and Nova was let outside. I didn't have enough time to put hay in Aslan's stall before I left. If you didn't mind doing that one small thing, I'm sure Aslan will be much more comfortable when I bring him home. I should be back at 10:00am. Then we can start your birthday celebrations. Love Daddy._

_ Seeing that it was already 9:00am, the little girl quickly ate breakfast and headed off to the barn. It took her about half an hour to fork the hay into Aslan's stall, but she had made a few things to put inside it, so she ran back to the house to get them. She finished setting everything up shortly after 10:00am and was more exited then she thought possible. Every girl wanted a pony for Christmas or for her Birthday, but they rarely ever got one. All of her friends from school were jealous and wanted to come over as soon as she got him. She couldn't be any happier than she was today. But after 11:00am came and went, with no sign of her father, she started to lose a little of her excitement. She desperately wanted to see her new pony, and find out what was taking her father so long._

_ At 5:00pm, the little girl still hadn't seen her father. She had called Mr. Hanson, the man who was selling her daddy Aslan, but he said that her daddy never showed up that morning. After that, the little girl started to get worried. Where had her daddy gone? Why wasn't he here with her? What was going on? She ran over to the big oak tree beside the barn and began climbing. She had climbed this tree many times before to watch the sun set or to watch for her friends when they came. Today though, she climbed to watch the road for her daddy's truck. _

_ She sat down on the platform her daddy had put up there for her and waited. After a short while, rain started to spit down on her head but she did not move. The temperature dropped and the rain came down harder, and still she did not move. The sun dipped below the mountains, the wind became stronger, the temperature decreased even more, and the rain began to come down in sheets, but the little girl didn't move. She was waiting for her daddy to return, and some say, she will always be waiting._

Sawyer took a chance and glanced over at Kate. The tears had dried on her cheeks and she looked to be sleeping. The world was a cruel, cruel place. He had to be stuck, on an island, with the most amazing woman he had ever met, but he couldn't be with her. He wouldn't let himself be with her, plus there was the fact that she was so obviously in love with the hero. But it didn't matter, because even if she liked him and not the doctor, he didn't deserve her. Not after what he had become.

Sawyer grew up hating a man for destroying his life, and then grew up to be the very man he despised. The world was a cruel place indeed. When he was pulling off the scam, he was happy and pleased with himself, not thinking about the Sawyer from his past. He hadn't thought about the man in years. But then why did he pick the name Sawyer this time around? He didn't know but one thing was for sure, everything was going smoothly and perfectly. It was going exactly as planned, until the little boy walked in. When the boy stepped into the room, that day so many years ago, was replayed all over again in Sawyer's mind. And when Sawyer came back to the present and looked into the eyes of the boy, he couldn't believe what he was about to do. He felt the pain all over again as if it just happened, and knew he couldn't follow through with his plan.

He remembered throwing the money on the floor, the screaming from the parents, wondering what he was doing, what was going on. He remembered the little boy. The questioning look in his eyes, and the fear evident in his voice. But the worst thing was the way the boy looked _at_ Sawyer. It was that look that made Sawyer's eyes swell up when he read the letter. Whenever he read it, he couldn't help but picture that little boy, with that look in his eyes, handing the same letter to him. He loathed what he had become, and so should everyone else.

Sawyer looked over at Kate again and saw her shivering despite the humid weather. She was such a mystery, and he longed to get to know her better, but he wouldn't dare. She was right, he didn't have anyone or anything left to live for, and that was the way it should be. But maybe, just maybe, that could change. Maybe _he_ could change, maybe he could start over. And what better place than here, and now, with her.

He took one last look at Kate then turned over onto his side and fell asleep.

_ He walked into the bar, and took a look around. It was like all the other bars he'd been to. Dirty, cheap, full of smoke and rough looking men. So far he had struck out, but something about the place, and the looks he got from the men, made him think that his luck might change. He made his way up to the bar and sat down. _

_ The bartender saw him and slowly made his way over. "What can I get for ya kid?"_

_ "Just a beer thanks," he replied._

_ "I don't know Paul, he don't look old enough to me," said a man a couple seats to his left, to the bartender. Then he turned to him, "Are you even out of high school yet son?"_

_ "What's it matter to you?" he responded._

_ "Wow, we got a feisty one here Paul," said the man to the bartender, a grin spreading across his face._

_ "Leave the kid alone Nick," chided Paul as he placed a beer in front of him._

_ "Well come on Paul, this doesn't exactly look like the kind of place someone like him would usually hang out in, now does it?"_

_ "I couldn't care less; all I care about is gettin' paid."_

_ He pulled out a ten from his wallet and placed it on the bar as he picked up his glass and took a swig. He couldn't just come right out and say what he wanted; he had learned that the hard way. So he just sat there drinking his beer, waiting for his chance._

_ "Well you might not care, but I do. So come on son, spit it out. What you doin' in this place?"_

_ "I came for a beer," was all he said._

_ "But why this bar? I'm sure you could have found one more your type just down the street."_

_ "It looked pretty from outside," was his response. _

_ "Sure it did. Come on, we're all friends here, you can tell us."_

_ He looked over at the man for the first time, but couldn't see his face because it was hidden behind shadows and long hair. Nick got up from his seat, with his own beer in hand, and took the seat next to him. It was then, that he was able to see his face. He almost choked on the swig of beer he just took, as he recognized who was sitting right beside him. It was him, it was him. He started to reach for the letter, in the breast pocket of his coat, when he stopped. He realized that it would not be enough, to just hand him the letter then walk away. This man would probably just read the letter, throw it in the garbage, and then laugh about it to his friends later on. It would not have the affect he hoped for. He was young when he wrote it, and was also naive to think a man like him would be heartbroken over what he had done so many years ago. No, he would have to make him pay for what he did. And only then, would he give this man the letter._

_ "Come on son, spill it."_

_ "Well," he said, "I need some money real bad, and I was hoping someone here would know someone I could talk to about maybe getting a loan."_

_But my dreams, they aren't as empty   
__As my conscience seems to be   
__I have hours, only lonely   
__My love is vengeance   
__That's never free_

**

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So there is the end of chapter 3. I hoped you liked it and that it was long enough for those of you who wanted it longer. I'm going to be busy for the next few days so I don't know when I'll be able to update again. Please don't hate me, I promise I won't keep you waiting that long.**


	4. Jack

**A/N- Well here is chapter 4. I love all of those who read my story, and I love those even more who gave me reviews. You guys are awesome. I will try to get another chapter up soon. But enough of my endless chatter, here you go.**

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Jack was sitting in his cave, watching the rain drench the land before him. He could almost pretend that he was sitting in a movie theatre, watching a movie; the walls of the cave were the edges of the screen and Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts were just about to walk right in front of him. How he wished it was a movie he was watching and not real life. Sure his life back home wasn't the greatest, but it sure beat the here and now.

He couldn't believe Kate had kissed that slime of a human being. _How could she do that to me?_ After all the flirting and the looks she sent his way, she went and did that. Sure she did it for a good reason. To get what they needed without having to hurt him was a good idea, but why did it have to be her? Why did she have to kiss him back? _Why did I have to ask her about it?_ He really didn't want to know the answer, so why did he ask the question? And why on earth, did she have to tell him the truth? He would have believed her if she had said no, and someone like her must be used to lying to people, so why did she tell him the truth?

It wasn't really fair to stereotype her like that. He didn't know what she had done to be on the wrong side of the law. It might not have been anything bad, maybe just a little mistake she made long ago, but he had no way of knowing. As she had so delicately put it, he had had the chance to know and he didn't take it. He only had himself to blame. But as he thought about it, as much as he wanted to know about her past, about the reasons behind the things she did, he didn't want to know what she had done. He didn't want to look at her and see only what she had done. He wanted to be able to know her for who he saw her to be. But people are never who they seem to be. He was the perfect example of that. She would be surprised to find out what kind of man he actually was. But something about her, about this place, that made him want to change that.

She was the one person on this island who he felt was as strong as he was, maybe even stronger. Sure Sayid was smart and strong, so was Locke, but it seemed that they still always asked Jack first before they did anything. Everyone looked to him for direction, to be told what to do. Not Kate. She was the one person who would do things her own way and if she didn't like what was going down she would tell him. He was just lucky that most of the time, her way was often the same way as his. There was the hardly a time when they disagreed on anything, until it came to the caves. After she decided to stay on the beach, it seemed like they disagreed on almost everything.

Why did she have to kiss Sawyer? _Sawyer._ The man was most definitely Jacks opposite. The only thing they had in common was Kate, but that was all. They probably even felt differently about Kate. Sawyer most likely just saw Kate as a piece of meat, or something he could play around with when he felt like it. That was not how Jack felt at all. He loved her. He loved her for the way she made him feel, for the way she let him lean on her while everyone was leaning on him. He loved the way she would look at him or flirt with him, but for some reason, he couldn't seem to reciprocate his feelings.

He hated how she was always on his mind, the way she crept into his dreams when he finally found some time to rest, or the way he always got distracted thinking about her eyes or her smile or the sound of her voice when he was trying to do something else. And he hated that even after she had kissed Sawyer, and broken his heart, he was still sitting here thinking about her. He hated this island but he loved it at the same time, because without it, he might never have been given the chance to meet her. But most of all, he hated what he had said to her. He hadn't meant it, he was mad and hurt, and so he hurt her too. He'd never forgive himself for that.

He was stuck on an island with no hope of rescue, with people looking to him for everything, and people like Sawyer, Locke and Sayid. The one thing that had made it better was her, and he had pushed her away. If he wanted to survive or be of any use to anyone, he needed her. He had to make things right. He would make it right, because unlike his father, he cared about her opinion.

His father was a difficult man to be around, let alone to have as a father. All his life, Jack had to listen to his father tell him over and over, that he would never amount to anything. That he would never be able to help anyone, so he shouldn't even bother trying. So naturally, Jack had gone into medicine. He wanted to prove to his father that he could help people, that he could be as good a man as his father. Jack saw how everyone was around his father. As a boy and even as a teenager, he thought that everyone treated his father with respect and admiration, but as he got older, he realized that everyone treated his father as he did. With fear.

Jack also realized now, that perhaps everything his father said to him was just his way of trying to get Jack to try harder, to be better. It had worked, at least to everyone else. Jack grew up to be one of the most respected spinal surgeons in NY, and the kind of guy the other doctors would want to take to their high scale country clubs and set up their daughters with. He was even married to a wealthy woman, from a high class family. All this was still not enough for his father. He was still nothing and would never amount to anything.

But at night, Jack became even more like his father. He would get drunk, sometimes get high, and screw any girl he could. There were even times that, in a drunken rage, he had hit his wife. Looking back now, Jack was glad that they never had any kids like Emily, his wife, had wanted. 'Cause if they had had kids, he might have treated them like his father had treated him.

This went on for two years before the day that everything changed. It was the day that Jack finally saw what he had become, and hated everything about himself. It was the day that Jack decided not to let his father scare or push him around any more. It was the first time, since that day when he was kid, that he took a stance for what he believed in. And it had felt good. That day, he changed everything about his life that he didn't like. He ruffled a lot of feathers when he did, but he didn't care. He was finally happy and he wasn't about to let anyone bring him down.

Yet still, to this day, even though his father is dead and gone, the words he spoke so long ago are continually repeated, over and over in Jack's head. That's why he tried harder than ever to be the perfect savior, doctor, hero, or whatever name they came up with, on the island. He couldn't believe that he was still trying to prove his father wrong. He wasn't here, he was gone, and he had nothing left to prove.

He had proved his father right on one thing though. Kate. He had messed up bad with her. He could tell she wanted to explain, and he could tell that he had hurt her when he had yelled at her. It was his own fault she was off kissing some other guy. He was so wrapped up in trying to prove his father wrong about him being a good doctor, that he didn't take the time to be a person. He couldn't see what she was trying to show him. He couldn't blame her, or even Sawyer, no matter how much he wanted to. It was his fault that his heart was in pieces. But he would make it right.

_No one knows what it's like  
__To feel these feelings  
__Like I do  
__And I blame you_

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So there is the end of this chapter, I hope it stood up to your expectations. Like I said at the begining, I will try to give you another chapter soon.**


	5. Too Late

**A/N- So here is chapter 5.It is from Jack's and Kate's point of view. I really can't think of anything else to say so, I hope you enjoy it.**

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The rain had been pouring down constantly for more than a day, and Jack could not stand sitting in his cave anymore. All he did was think about his father, his old life and Kate. Right now she was out there on the beach with him, with Sawyer. He knew how people sometimes acted when they had been rejected; they went for the next best thing, or the closest thing. All this time he wasted, sitting in his cave waiting for the rain to stop, she might have already turned to Sawyer. He couldn't let that happen, he couldn't lose Kate without putting up a fight. 

That was of course, if she had felt rejected when he said what he said then walked away from her, or if she was the kind of woman who would turn to someone else, solely for the purpose of feeling wanted. He didn't think she was that kind of person. To him she had always seemed so independent, like she didn't need anyone. That was probably one of the reasons he didn't make a move, he thought she might just be playing a game with him. It didn't make sense to him, that someone who didn't need anyone, would try so hard or obviously to be near him.

_She got to you too_. The marshal's words played over in his mind again. They had played over in his mind repeatedly whenever he was near her. If what the marshal had said, had any merit, than maybe she was just playing him to get something she wanted. But what could she possibly want from him? He had nothing special to offer her, if it was only comfort she wanted, there were many other people here who would gladly provide it for her. Sawyer of course, being one of those people.

But she didn't need anyone, she didn't need him. _But I need her_. And with that final thought, Jack got up and walked out into the rain. He had to see her before it was too late.

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Kate hated the rain. It only reminded her of bad memories that she did not want to start thinking about right now. She was wet, hungry, and at the moment was in close proximity to the man who was causing her a severe migraine. Not to mention the rivers of water flowing through the tent.

"Would you please hold still, just for a second," she said bitterly to Sawyer. She had been trying to change his bandage for the last few minutes but met with little success. He would not hold still, and she was getting very aggravated with him.

"Well honey, it kinda hurts alright. Maybe if you didn't push so hard."

"I have to push hard. If I don't you could bleed to death."

"You say that like it's a bad thing Freckles. Are you warming up to me after our little kiss?"

"At the moment, I'm thinking we would all be better off if I did let you bleed to death. Just be lucky I don't think like you."

"I'll count my blessings then, but you didn't mention our kiss."

"What about it Sawyer? And you know, you never did tell me your real name."

"Well for one, I think you rather enjoyed our kiss. And about the other, well I don't really feel like sharing right now."

"Fine."

"Okay I get it, you don't want to talk about the kiss right now."

"There, you're done. Now why don't you be quite for a while and be the strong silent type I know you to be."

"Well Freckles, if you wanted me to be quite, all you had to do is ask. But I can tell what you're thinking."

"What happened to you shutting up?"

"You don't want to talk about our kiss, because you would rather be doing it again. You're more of an action than talk kind of girl. Well I can accommodate that."

And as soon as he finished his sentence, he grabbed Kate by the waist and pulled her down on top of him, kissing her.

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By the time Jack made it to the beach, he was soaking wet and had thought about what he was going to say to Kate a thousand times over. He was feeling really good about seeing her and had a smile covering his face. But when he came within sight of the tent, the smile disappeared. He stopped in his tracks as he saw Kate fall down on top of Sawyer, his hands wrapped around her waist. He watched as Sawyer leaned up and captured Kate in a deep kiss. He was too late.

He quickly turned around not wanting to see them together. He was once again filled with hatred and anger. He couldn't stay here anymore. If he did, he might finish the job Sayid had started. He had to leave, and he had to leave fast. He took off at once towards the trail back to the caves, not running but walking briskly so that the other survivors on the beach wouldn't wonder what was wrong and come after him. He couldn't deal with anyone right now.

He could barely hear the sound of Boone calling out to him above the rain and the rushing in his head. He walked a little faster toward the edge of the beach. How could she do this to him? And with Sawyer of all people? He wanted to kill Sawyer for taking Kate away from him, but he couldn't, he had to get away. And as soon as Jack was ten feet into the jungle, he began running.

He was running from all the feelings that were coursing through him. His hate for Sawyer, his feelings for Kate, his hate for Kate, his broken heart, and from himself. He was running from what he had done to make her do what she did, and he was running from what he had failed to do. He had failed again, so he ran.

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As soon as Sawyer pulled Kate down and kissed her, she was pushing against him, trying to free herself from his grasp. When she was finally able to free herself from him, she stood up and backed away from him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What you wanted me to do Freckles."

"That is definitely not what I wanted you to do. It is actually the farthest thing from what I want you to do. And stop calling me Freckles. If you use that name one more time I'll…"

Kate didn't finish her sentence because she heard, what she thought was, Boone calling out to Jack, wondering where he was going. Please no, please tell me he didn't see this. Without thinking, Kate took off out into the pouring rain, heading towards the spot Boone and Shannon had set up camp. When she got beside the piece of plane they used as shelter, she dropped down to her knees to talk to them.

"Hey Kate, what's going on?" asked Boone.

"Was Jack just here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Was Jack just here?" Kate asked again.

"I thought he went to see you," said Boone a little confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well we saw him pass by here not to long ago, he was heading towards the tent. Then a second ago he passed by here again heading back into the jungle. He looked really upset."

Before Boone could ask what had happened, Kate was up and heading towards the jungle. She had to find him and tell him what happened. She had to tell him the truth.

As she ran through the jungle, Kate didn't notice the rain anymore. All that mattered was Jack. She had to find him before he totally wrote her off. She didn't even think about where she placed her feet or about the branches and leaves that wiped against her face. She had one purpose, and one purpose alone, nothing else mattered.

Kate had been running for ten minutes when she realized she still had seen no sign of Jack. She should have caught up to him by now. Unless he was running too. She stopped for a second and called out his name as loud as she could. When there was no response, she tried again even louder. There was still no response.

"Why do you chase after a man who constantly leaves you behind?"

Kate turned around at the sound of Sawyer's voice.

"I mean, I see you time and time again, running off to see him the first chance you get. I see you time and time again, putting yourself out there for him but he doesn't do anything. Now here you are, chasing after him in the pouring rain."

"What are you trying to say Sawyer?"

"What I'm trying to say, Kate, is that why do you run after him when I'm here. I'm not running away, hell I'm even running after you. But you still won't see what's right in front of you. He can't give you what you want."

"And how would you know what I want? You don't know anything about me."

"I know more than you think. Besides, he can't give you the life you want if we ever get off this Godforsaken island. I can. Just give me a chance."

"Why should I give you a chance? You used me. You lied about having the inhalers just to get a kiss from me. Jack would never do that."

"Some people would take that as a compliment; what I did to get close to you."

"You're sick, you now that."

"Sick as I am, I don't see Jack here. In fact I don't think I ever saw Jack reciprocate your feelings. All those times I saw you flirting with him, hell, even that time you took off to go save him, did he ever try to kiss you? Did he ever voice his want for you?"

"It doesn't matter if he did or didn't. All you need to know is that no matter my feelings for Jack, I'll never want to be with you. I've been with too many men like you and I'm done."

"So you want to be alone than? 'Cause that's what's going to happen if you write me off. Can't you see that Jack doesn't want you?"

"And can't you see that I don't want you? As far as being alone, I think I can handle it. I've been alone for most of my life."

With that Kate turned and headed back down the trail, looking for Jack. She was no longer running, she knew where Jack had gone and she would find him there. Besides her mind was so full of confusion that she needed the time to sort out her thoughts. The main focus being Sawyer, she just didn't get him.

A part of her felt sorry for him, for what he went through as a child, but the other part of her hated him. She hated him for the way he would constantly switch personalities. At times he would be Sawyer, the man who was cocky and arrogant, and who got on everyone's nerves. Other times, she could almost see the man he used top be; caring, unselfish, but those times were very rare. She hated how he seemed able to look right into her and see her for what she really was. She hated him for calling her Freckles, but most of all, she hated him for the fact that he was probably right. Jack didn't want her. Weather he was right of not, she had to find out for sure.

Just then Kate heard a growl coming from the bushes to her right. She froze, listening to the sound. It was close. Then she heard it growl again, this time it was even closer. Without thinking Kate took off into the bushes to her left. She heard it start to come after her so she ran harder. She knew she couldn't outrun the bear, so she quickly looked around for a tall tree to climb, knowing it would be her only chance. A few seconds later she found one and started climbing. She heard the bear crash through the bushes right behind her, and tried to climb faster. She was almost out of reach when she felt a sharp pain pierce the side of her leg. She quickly grabbed onto a higher branch and pulled herself up. She climbed as high as she could until the pain in her leg became too great. She looked down at the polar bear clawing at the tree, trying to get her. She was safe for now.

Once she got into a safe and comfortable position on the tree, she looked down at her leg. There were two big gashes running down the length of her calf, which were bleeding badly. Realizing how much blood she was losing, she quickly removed her belt and wrapped it around her leg, just below the knee, for a makeshift tourniquet. As she tightened the belt, she screamed out in pain. She nearly passed out, but was able to remain conscious, knowing she had to stay awake. The polar bear below was not about to give up.

About an hour later, the polar bear got tired of waiting and took off after a wild boar that came too close. Kate waited a while longer before she decided it was safe for her to get down. Every time she put weight on her bad leg, pain swept through her entire body. She was going to have to find a stick to use as a crutch if she wanted to make it very far. When she got to the ground, she quickly searched for a suitable stick. It wasn't until after she found a good stick and was about to head off, that she realized she didn't know which way to go. She hadn't been paying attention to her surroundings as she had run through the bushes away from the bear.

When she finally decided which direction she thought the caves to be in, she slowly started making her way through the bushes, listening for any sign that the bear might be returning. With each step the pain increased in her leg and she found herself getting dizzy. Despite her belt around her leg, she was still bleeding and losing blood, not as badly as before, but still bad enough that Kate knew she had to find help soon.

To keep her mind off the pain and dizziness, she tried to think about something else. Naturally, her thoughts drifted to Jack and Sawyer. Kate remembered the day when Jack had been trapped in the cave-in, and how Sawyer had been comparing himself to Jack. She was so happy when she saw Jack come walking towards them with Charlie. She hadn't been that happy in 17 years, and when she hugged him, she didn't ever want to let him go. She thought about what Sawyer had said that day, and knew he was wrong. Jack and Sawyer were two completely different men.

Sawyer was a mystery, who she admitted now, did have a connection with her. They were both scam artists, but that was where the connection stopped, for her anyway. She also had to admit that he did have a little charm, but it was the kind of charm you learned, it wasn't a natural charm. He also had moments when he seemed reasonably human, like when he would sit and read his letter. She didn't understand why he played the bad boy role, maybe it was to punish himself or maybe he really was like that. He wasn't always like that, she could tell, but maybe over the years, he had become the role he was trying to play.

Then there was Jack. He was a caring person who never seemed to think about himself. He was always ready to help everyone, and he never expected anything in return. He was unlike any man she had ever been with, and she couldn't stop thinking about him. Unlike Sawyer, Jack had a natural charm. He could make her smile or laugh without even trying, he just had to be himself. There were times when she thought she saw him looking at her, with affection in his eyes, but if that was true, than why didn't he do anything about it. If she brought it up, he would always change the subject.

Then there was the time when he and Sayid had taken Sawyer off into the woods and tortured him. She was shocked to know that he would do that. But she had to realize that everyone could have a dark side, even Jack.

As Kate was walking, she didn't see the slope in front of her until it was too late. She slipped on a slick patch of moss and her feet flew out from under her. She tumbled down the slope until she came to a stop at the bottom where she hit her head on a tree. Lying sprawled on the ground, the rain pounding down on her, _I hate the rain_, was the last thought that passed through her mind before she passed out.

* * *

When Jack could no longer run, he stopped to catch his breath. As he rested against a tree, he thought he heard someone call his name. He held his breath and listened, waiting to see if he was right. Just when he had given up he heard it again, and he could have sworn it sounded like Kate. He waited again, straining to hear his name again but there was only the sound of the rain.

He got up and started walking, blaming the rain and his own head for what he had thought he heard. He had only heard her calling for him because he wanted it to happen. Before he had stopped running, he had been hoping that Kate was running after him, to tell him that it was all a misunderstanding and that she didn't want Sawyer, she wanted him. He was foolish to think that would happen. She wouldn't come running after him.

When Jack was only a few minutes away from the caves her thought he heard a growl, coming from back down the trail. He stopped again and listened, he heard it again a few seconds later, but it sounded as if it was moving away from him so he didn't worry. But just in case, he stayed to listen a while longer. He had heard nothing for a while when he thought he heard a scream. _Okay I'm really starting to lose my mind_, he thought before he turned and walked the rest of the way to the caves.

As he walked by the other survivors, he gave them each a nod and a smile. He pretended like nothing was wrong. He couldn't let them see that he was hurting; he had to be strong for all of them. They were all counting on him. If he showed any weakness, they would think less of him and then they might all lose hope. He couldn't let that happen. He had to be the hero, and heroes didn't feel any pain.

But he was hurting, no matter what he showed to the others. And again he couldn't help but think of Kate. She was the only one he was able to show what he really felt. Except of course, his feelings for her. She was the only one who wouldn't think less of him if he said he was tired, or hurt or scared. It almost seemed that she thought more of him when he told her the truth.

When he got to his cave, he took off his wet clothes and put on dry ones. He grabbed a bottle of water and sat down, leaning his back against the wall. His mind drifted back to the day he was caught in the cave after it collapsed. He remembered when he and Charlie had come walking around the corner and seen Walt. He remembered seeing Kate appear from behind the rock, and he remembered the look in her eyes when she saw him. He thought she had looked so relieved and so happy to see him. He loved the way she looked right then, even with her face dirty and sweaty. And when she hugged him, he thought there was more to it than the kind of hug Hurley gave Charlie. But he must have just imagined it, because she was on the beach with Sawyer, she wasn't thinking about him.

_No one bites back as hard  
__On their anger  
__None of my pain an' woes  
__Can show through_

**

* * *

Well there is the end of this chapter. I decided to add it on because it was already written. If you guys want me to write another chapter let me know. And thanks to all those who have reviewed in the past, you guys are awesome. **


	6. Dreams of Yesterday

**A/N- Thank you to al of thosse who reviewed, I'm glad you are enjoying this story. So for all those who reviewed, this is for you. I'm sorry taht it took me so long to update, but this chapter is a lot longer than any of the other ones, so hopefully the wait was worth it. so without further adou, here is chapter 6.**

_

* * *

When the little girl was awakened by the headlights coming up the road, she was violently shivering and could barely move. She didn't know when she had fallen asleep, but she knew she must have been there for a while by her fingers, and the fact that they were now blue. At first she didn't realize where she was or why she was so cold that she was almost numb. Then she remembered she had climbed her tree and had sat on her platform. It was still a few seconds later until she remembered why she had climbed the tree. It was then she remembered what it was that had woken her up, headlights. Her daddy was home._

_The little girl struggled to sit up, but her muscles were too cold. She did not give up though, and continued to strain against the urge to sleep. It was then that she heard her name being called out, and saw the beams of light sweeping over the ground. They were heading towards the barn. She tried to call out to him but even her throat didn't seem to want to work. By the time she was able to make a sound, the lights had disappeared into the barn._

_When the little girl saw the lights again she called out for her daddy. Her voice was still too quiet to reach him so she tried again. Between the storm and her soar throat, the sound she made wouldn't reach him even if he was only 10 feet away from the tree. Realizing this, she struggled to untie her shoe and take it off. When she finally managed the task, she pushed her shoe off the side of the platform, hoping that her daddy had Nova, her dog, with him. If he was, than maybe Nova would notice or hear the shoe hitting the ground and come over to investigate, bringing her daddy with him._

_She didn't know if her plan worked or not, because shortly after her shoe fell, she gave into the darkness that had been creeping up on her. She guessed that it did, because when she woke up again, she was in a hospital bed with nurses and doctors fussing over her. When they allowed her to talk, the first words out of her mouth were 'Where's my daddy?' Everyone in the room went utterly quiet, and no one would look her in the eye. _

"_Where's my daddy?"_

-----

Sawyer walked back to the beach, soaked from head to toe, feeling absolutely horrible. Not only was he cold and wet, but the woman he was falling for had told him flat out that she didn't want him. He shouldn't have been surprised though, after the way he had treated her, but why did she always have to run after him? Why couldn't she give him a chance? He could be just a good a man as Jack, if only she would let him.

He walked across the beach to his tent with his head bent towards the ground, not wanting to look at anyone and not wanting anyone to look at him. When he got inside his tent, he flopped down onto the cot, not caring about his arm or the wet clothes he was still wearing. Maybe Kate would give up on Jack and come back to him. Maybe she would realize how much more, a relationship between the two of them, made sense. _Maybe she will come back._ And just in case she did, Sawyer decided to stay awake until she returned. But soon after he decided that, his eyes began to drupe and then sleep overtook him.

"_So you need money huh?" asked Nick._

"_Yeah I do," he said._

"_What makes you think this would be a place to get it?" questioned Paul._

"_You tellin' me it ain't?" he said snidely._

"_Now he ain't tellin' you nothin', he was just asking a question," said Nick. "See, we can't go around talkin' about stuff, you never know who might be listening, or who we're talkin' to."_

"_What are you sayin', that I might be a cop?" he asked._

"_Well if you want to be so open about it, yes that's what we're sayin'."_

"_I ain't a pig alright, I just need a little cash."_

"_What would a guy like you need 'a little cash' for?" asked Nick._

"_It ain't none of your damn business," he said._

"_Alright, I can respect wanting to have some privacy. How much money were you wanting to get if we just happened to know someone who could get it for you?" asked Nick._

_He thought for a second. He knew that for his plan to work, he would have to ask for a large sum, one that they wouldn't naturally give out, even to trusted customers. "I need $500,000."_

"_$500,000. I thought you said you only needed a 'little' cash?" said Paul, a little taken aback. _

"_Well actually, that's only about two thirds of what I owe."_

"_Who the hell do you owe $750,000 to?" asked Paul._

"_That don't concern you alright."_

"_Well something that does concern us, is how you're goin' to pay that kind of money back," Paul informed him._

"_That is if we find someone crazy enough to lend you the money in the first place," added Nick._

"_Listen man, I need that money. I need it by the end of the week or else I'm a dead man," he told them._

"_What makes you think we care about weather you live or die?" asked Paul._

"_You guys are my last hope okay, I've been everywhere."_

"_Again I ask, what makes you think we care about you?"_

"_Please, I'm beggin' you, you gotta help me."_

"_Sorry kid, but there ain't no way I'm givin' you $500,000," Paul said then turned away from him._

_He bent his head forward, looking like he was about to cry, but inside he was smiling. So far everything was going exactly as he had planned. He picked up his beer and downed the rest of it, then got up from his seat and slowly headed towards the door._

"_What exactly are you willing to do to get that money?" the question coming from Nick. _

_He stopped just short of the door as a smile spread across his face. He quickly turned it back into a frown as he turned to face Nick. "Just about anything," was all he said._

"_Well than, maybe we can help each other," said Nick, a big grin on his face._

-----

As Jack sat there day dreaming about Kate, the stress and lack of sleep over the past few days, started to take their toll and Jack felt himself falling asleep. He didn't want to fall asleep because he knew he would dream, and his dreams were never pleasant. But despite his attempts at trying to stay awake, he felt himself falling into unconsciousness, and thought that maybe his dreams wouldn't be so bad compared to the scene he kept repeating over and over in his head. Kate kissing Sawyer.

_His day was not going well at all. First he had woken up late with a major hang-over, then he had to listen to Emily yell at him about where he was the night before and who's bed he was in. When he finally got to the hospital he had to listen to his superior chew into him for being late yet again._

_He found his way into the prep room and began washing his hands. His head was still throbbing a little but the couple Aspirin he took would kick in soon. He couldn't remember how many surgeries he'd done with a hang-over, there were too many to count, but they had all gone perfectly. He was a great surgeon, one of the best in the city. And just as he was about to step into the operating room, his father walked in._

"_What the hell are you trying to do to me?" his father demanded._

"_I'm not doing anything to you, I'm going in to do an operation," he stated with just a hint of annoyance._

"_You were late again and I had to here it from Jacobs. Are you purposely trying to make me look bad? Or are you just incapable of acting like a real man? I knew it was a mistake for you to work at the same hospital as me. Hell, it was a mistake you becoming a doctor in the first place," yelled his father. The nurses in the operating room looked away from the door, pretending like they couldn't hear what was going on. Everyone was afraid of his father, except him._

"_If you're about done berating me, there is a man on that table who is waiting for me to perform a very delicate surgery. I don't want o make him wait any longer."_

"_Well he's going to have to wait a couple more minutes until I'm ready to go."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_I'm going to be the lead surgeon during this operation."_

"_No way, this is my patient, my operation."_

"_You really think I would trust you with an operation of this magnitude?"_

_He was speechless; he didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe his father was doing this to him. His father came within inches of his face and said, "Now, while you're waiting for me to get ready, you could go in there and help the nurses set up. And maybe while you're watching a real doctor operate, you might learn something."_

_His father turned and headed toward the sinks, leaving him only with the smell of alcohol in his nose. He tried to tell his father that he shouldn't perform the surgery while he was intoxicated but it was no use. He tried to talk to the nurses, to tell them not to help his father, but they were all too scared of his father to listen to him. The surgery went on with his father performing the surgery._

_Halfway through the procedure, he watched helplessly as his father was making a cut and the scalpel slipped and cut through the man's spinal cord. He watched as his father struggled to fix what he had done, he watched as try after try, the damage increased. He tried to step in and take over but when he got close to the table his father pushed him away, saying he would only make things worse. He couldn't help but think that things couldn't possibly get worse than they were. The man lying on the table would never walk again if he wasn't fixed up fast, and if his father kept doing what he was doing, he might not make it out of the operation table alive._

_He tried to step in again, to take over from his father, but when he moved in to take the scalpel and clamps away from his father, his father punched him in the face. He didn't try it again until his father, at one point, dropped what he was doing, and without a word, turned and left the operating room. As soon as his father had turned away, he had jumped up to the table and tried to rectify what his father had done to the poor man. He tried for three hours to stitch up his father's mistakes, when the heart monitor showed that the man's heart was no longer beating. Still he did not give up, he tried to resuscitate the man, but after 47 minutes with no change in the man's condition, he gave up hope in trying to save him._

_The hardest thing he had to do was to go out into the waiting room and tell the man's family that he didn't make it. Watching the man's family break down and cry right before him, with the man's wife clinging onto him for comfort, he shared in their pain. And as tears fell down his face, he realized it was the first time he had cried since he was a boy. Even after his grandmother had passed away, not a single tear fell from his eye, and she was the one person he was really close with. She was the one person who always believed in him, no matter what he did._

_And as he stood there, holding onto the man's wife, he looked back on his life, on everything he had done up to this point, and knew that his grandmother would not be happy with him of the life he lead. She was probably looking down on him with disgust. He didn't know when his life had become so horrible. He was drunk all the time, he was married to a woman he had never loved, and he had become his father, the one man he had always hated. And right there, in that moment, he vowed he was going to change his life around, starting that day. So when he was approached by Jacobs, he swore to himself that he would tell the truth, no matter what._

_He found out that none of the nurses or other staff that was present in the operating room was telling the truth about what happened. He found out that his father was blaming him for what went wrong and that because the other staff was scared of his father and how he would use his connections, they were going along with the story. He told Jacobs the truth and later that day went before the medical board. And because he told the board that his father had been drinking before the operation, they had to look into the accusation. They stopped his father just as he was about to go into another operation and took a blood sample. When they analyzed his father's blood, they found that he was indeed drunk. When the members of the staff heard that news they started coming forward with other incidences involving his father. After all information was collected and proven, the board decided to take away his father's medical license. _

_That day he decided he didn't want to work in New York any longer. So after his father was escorted out of the hospital, he handed Jacobs his resignation. And on his way home he called his lawyer and asked him to meet him at his house._

_When he got home he went inside and found his wife in the kitchen making diner._

"_I want a divorce," was all he said. _

_Emily looked up from what she was doing to look into his eyes. She expected to see him drunk but what she saw stunned her._

"_You're really serious about this?" she asked._

"_Yes I am."_

"_What brought this on?"_

"_The truth is, I don't love you, and I don't think I ever have. It's not you, don't even think that you did anything wrong. I know how it sounds, but it is true. When I asked you to marry me I was just trying to impress my father, I was trying to prove something to him. You are an amazing woman and you will make someone very happy, but it won't be me, I'm sorry."_

"_So am I. I probably could have saved us all this trouble by turning you down that day. I knew that you didn't really want to marry me, I even knew that you didn't really love me, but I was hoping then that maybe that would change."_

"_So you're saying that you want the divorce as well?"_

"_Yeah I am. Neither one of us are happy Jack, what's the use in continuing this charade?"_

_When his lawyer got to his house, they quickly settled on who would get what and signed the papers. And because his lawyer was one of the best and very highly paid, the divorce was final in 24 hours. And by that time he was already in Los Angeles, looking for a cheap apartment and going to the local hospitals to see about getting a job. By the time his mother called, he was settled into his apartment and his job. He had also been sober for five days and hadn't slept with any random girls. In fact he hadn't slept with anyone, but he was happier than he had ever been, and than he got the call._

_-----_

_For the first part of the week they went over the plans repeatedly until they could do it in their sleep. Then the day came when they were able to pull off the scam, and they did it without a hitch. And because it went so well, Nick offered him the chance to work with him. He agreed and they started working up a new scam._

_He wanted Nick to trust him because then it would hit him harder when he pulled the rug out from under him. He wanted Nick to feel the hurt that he had as a little boy, he wanted Nick to pay. So he would wait for when the time was perfect. He would wait for him to set up a really big scam that they would have to do together, and then he would take off when Nick needed him most, leaving only the letter. His plan was perfect. _

_So they set up the next scam and pulled it off perfectly once again. When it was over, Nick invited him back to his place in Hawaii. He went of course and spent two weeks there with Nick and Nick's friends. He found himself starting to like Nick and having fun, but when he thought about it, he brushed it off as just playing a role. And when Nick asked him to do another scam, he agreed right away._

_And so, over the next two months, they pulled off three extremely successful scams. During those two months, in between the planning and the execution, there were lots of parting and girls, and after every scam, his cut of the money got bigger and bigger. But as big as the scams got, he told himself that it still wasn't big enough._

_So two months became four, then four became twelve, and soon two years had passed by. The letter he wrote was in a safety deposit box along with a large sum of cash. The plan he had made had long been forgotten as well as his old way of life. All that mattered now was money and the next scam._

_Then one night when they were at the bar telling stories about the jobs they had pulled and the people they had ripped off, Nick got up to go to the bathroom and never returned. It was then that he remembered what he had planned to do and realized that he had missed his chance. He tried desperately to find Nick but no one knew where he had gone. When his stash of money began to run short, he realized the only thing he knew how to do was take other peoples money, so he devised a scam to get more money._

_And as it was before, he fell into a routine. And after a year of working solo, he ran into a man who had information on where Nick had run off to. It cost him all but $200 of his money to find out that Nick had run off to Australia three weeks before. But before he went after Nick he needed to get more money, so he decided to pull off one last scam. It was then, when he was just about to walk away with the money, he realized what kind of man he had become and hated himself for it._

_But as much as he hated himself, he hated Nick more. Not only did he blame Nick for his parent's death, but he blamed him for what he had become as well. He knew he was mostly to blame, but it was easier when you could cast the blame on someone else. So with the little amount of money he had left, he bought the cheapest ticket to Australia._

_He worked odd jobs as he moved around Australia looking for Nick, knowing he couldn't go back to the life he had become accustomed to. He was there for almost five months when he found Nick. He had tracked down a friend of Nick's and learned from him that Nick had gotten into a fight two nights before. His heart fell when he was told that Nick had been stabbed to death after one of his scams went south._

_The next day he was boarding a flight back to Los Angeles, angry at the world and at himself because he never took the chance to give Nick his letter. He would never have the chance to get the closure he so desperately needed and wanted. He had lost everything he had to live for, but he wasn't a weak man, he wouldn't take the easy way out. He would go back to the place he had first called home and try to start over._

_-----_

_The little girl found out that her daddy, on the way to Mr. Hanson's house, got caught in the middle of a big accident along the freeway. She was told that her father, along with eleven other people, died that morning. The little girl cried and cried for her daddy, he couldn't really be gone, he never said goodbye. So she cried and she prayed for her daddy to walk through the door and take her home. She even told God that she didn't need Aslan, that she didn't want him, and that she would never ask for anything ever again if her daddy would come back. But he never came back, and even though she didn't get what she wanted, she never asked for anything again. She didn't think that he could hear her, so she never tried again._

_For the next few weeks the little girl was moved from place to place, from home to home. She didn't have any family in Montana so the police were trying to track down her mother. They finally traced her mother down to California and then to Los Angeles and put the little girl on a plane. It was her first time ever leaving the county she lived in and she was more alone then she had ever been. _

_On the way to Los Angeles, the little girl became more nervous and more scared as each minute passed. It was the first time she was going to meet her mom, at least that she would remember, and she didn't know what to expect. All her daddy had ever told her about her mother, was that when she turned two, her mother left both her and her father. She ran off with her daddy's best friend to Vegas and never tried to contact her or her daddy again. Now here she was on her way to live with the woman who had walked out on her six years ago._

_Her mother, her daddy's beat friend, and their daughter, were waiting for the little girl when she walked off the plane. They all had smiles on their faces and they seemed genuinely happy to see her. Her mother, with tears running down her face, gave the little girl a big hug and when she was done, Mike, her daddy's best friend, gave her a hug as well. Not wanting to be left out, Sarah, their daughter, came forward and gave the little girl a hug too._

_When they got back to the house, they spent the time sitting around talking about the past and the things that they had missed. They took the time to get to know each other and tell jokes and laugh, and slowly the little girl started to lose some of her nervousness and didn't feel as scared as she had on the plane. And that night at dinner, they all sat around the table and continued the conversations. The little girl began to feel more and more like she belonged and she wished that her daddy were there to share it with her._

_She was given her own room filled with books and stuffed animals and blanket with horses all over it. That night she slept well for the first time since her father had died. But before she crawled into bed, the little girl sat on her floor and told her father she was happy but that she would never forget him and she would always love him._

_The next morning, Mary, the little girl's mother, took both of the girls down to the beach. She was so excited because she had never seen the ocean before and she longed to play in the sand. When they got to the beach, her mother took her and Sarah to the water's edge and told them to stand there and not to move. She told them that if they stayed there long enough, with the water lapping at their feet, they would slowly start to sink into the sand. _

_The next few days went about the same, more of the loving family routine, but then she had to start at her new school. That was the day everything changed. She didn't fit in with any of the girls in her class and she was made fun by the boys. She went home that day very sad, looking forward to seeing her mother and the rest of her new family. She knew that when she got home Mike would not be there because he worked until 6:00pm, but she was hoping that Mary and Sarah would help brighten up her day. _

_She walked through the door and called out that she was home but no one answered. She looked in the living room but no one was there so she continued looking through the rest of the house. She was just about to open the door to her mother's and Mike's room when her hand was pulled back. She turned around and saw Sarah holding onto her arm looking terrified._

"_Don't go in there," Sarah said the fear evident in her voice._

"_Why not? What's wrong Sarah?" she asked._

"_She'll get mad and she'll hurt you."_

"_What do you mean? Sarah, she won't hurt me, trust me okay."_

"_But she will, she will hurt you."_

"_Listen Sarah, I'm four years older than you so I know more than you okay. She's not going to hurt me."_

_With that she opened the door and went inside. She looked behind her to see if Sarah followed her, but her sister had disappeared. She closed the door and turned back to the room. It was dark and smelled of the kind of drink her daddy would have when his friends came over to play poker. Her daddy had said it was called scotch and that she wasn't allowed to have any until she was a lot older. But here in this room the smell of it was overpowering._

_As the little girl moved into the room, she tripped over a bottle that was lying on the floor, and fell with a big thud. In that same moment the mound on the bed jerked and sat up._

"_Who the hell's there?" came her mother's slurred voice. _

"_It's me mom." _

"_Who's me?" her mother slurred again._

"_It's Kate, are you okay?"_

"_Don't you dare talk to me like that you ungrateful bitch," her mother screamed at her._

"_I only asked if you were okay," Kate said as she was starting to get a little scared. Maybe she shouldn't have come in here like Sarah had said._

"_Don't talk back to me," she yelled as she got off the bed and slapped Kate across the face._

_Kate fell down hard and hit her head on the side of a dresser that was sitting against the wall. She felt her head begin to go dizzy and she was more scared than she had ever been. She remembered her mother coming towards her yelling at her to get out, but somehow she was able to dodge the book her mother through at her and make it out the door and into her room where she closed the door and sat against it crying._

_She didn't think it could get any worse than it was, but then Mike came home. He started yelling at Mary and about diner not being ready. It was then that she learned that she was expected to come home right after school and make diner for everyone, and she learned not to go near her mother when she smelt scotch._

_The next month consisted of Kate trying to cook and getting slapped when it didn't turn out, which was almost always. And when she got home from school and her mother had been drinking, Sarah would be waiting in Kate's room, and together they would hide from their mother's wrath. They became very close and Kate looked out for her whenever her parents wanted to blame her for something. Kate felt it was her duty to protect her, so she did, often taking a hit that was supposed to land on her._

_It wasn't all bad though, there were moments when her mother didn't get drunk, or when Mike was in a good mood. There were times when Mary would take the girls to beach, and it was only those times when the world seemed right. It was only of those times that Kate would have good memories of her mother, and it was those memories along with the memories of her daddy, that she was able to continue on from day to day._

_By the end of the month Kate had gotten down a routine that kept her and Sarah off her parent's radar. They had gone about a week without being slapped or yelled at when one night their mother started slapping Kate around because she found Kate's mini report card. She was failing all of her subjects and Mary was not happy with her at all. And that night after her mother had drunk herself into unconsciousness, and she put Sarah to bed, she went to her own room. And that night she crawled into bed but couldn't fall asleep, she was thinking about her daddy and how much she missed him. _

_She was lying on her side facing her wall when she heard her door start to slide open. She watched as the rectangle of light grew larger on her wall, then she saw the silhouette of Mike step into the rectangle. She lay completely still as she heard him enter her room, then she watched utterly terrified, as she saw the rectangle of light grow smaller and smaller, until she heard the door close._

_But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
__As my conscience seems to be  
__I have hours, only lonely  
__My love is vengeance  
__That's never free_

_So there is chapter six. I had to add the part about her going to the beach with her mom after watching last night's episode. I thought it could still work. Please let me know what you think. And sorry to all those people who wanted to know what was going to happen to Kate. I promise you will find out in the next chapter. Bye for now._


	7. Found

**A/N- Well here is chapter 7. I'm really happy to know that so many of you are enjoying this story. You are the reason that it is now 3:00am and I just finished writing the chapter. I just had to finish it and upload it for you right away. I hope it is as good as my other chapters, if it's not, I blame it on the wee morning hours.**

* * *

Sawyer woke up to someone poking his shoulder. He turned over and was met with Hurley's face. He wished he was still dreaming because he didn't feel like facing anyone just yet, and because it was still raining. He rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep, but as soon as he turned, Hurley was poking him again, and harder.

"What do you want?" he asked irritably.

"Dude, have you seen Kate, I need to find her?" Hurley said.

"You came all the way down here to ask me that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Maybe because she's back at the caves with the doctor."

"Dude, what are you talking about? She's not at the caves, I checked before I left. I mean come on, you really think I would risk having to walk all the way here for no reason?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. And I asked the people here on the beach, they either said that they hadn't seen her or that you knew where she was. So here I am."

"The last time I saw Kate, she was heading after the doctor along the path to the caves."

"Well if she ain't there, and she ain't here, where the hell is she?"

"How am I supposed to know? Do I look psychic to you?"

"You don't think she got hurt do you?"

As soon as Hurley asked the question, thousands of possibilities rushed through his mind, and none of them were good. What if she tripped and twisted an ankle? But if that happened, surely Hurley would have seen her on his way to the beach. What if Jack had hurt her? But that didn't make sense either because he had seen the look in Jack's eyes when he looked at Kate, he would never hurt her. And that was when he remembered hearing, what he thought was far away, a growl in the jungle. What if she was attacked by a polar bear? What if she was dead?

Sawyer wouldn't believe that the last possibility could be true, he just wouldn't accept it. And before Hurley knew what happened, Sawyer had shot off the cot and started to run towards the path. Hurley struggled to follow him but could not keep up, so he watched as Sawyer disappeared into the bushes.

"What is it with this girl man?" he asked Boone who was standing near by.

"What girl?"

"Kate. I mean sure she's hot and nice and smart and… ah hell," Hurley said before taking off after Sawyer.

-----

As Sawyer ran through the jungle he checked the ground as he went, looking for bear tracks. He was hoping to find the spot where Kate might have been attacked, but at the same time he was hoping he wouldn't find any. He was hoping that he would run all the way to the caves without a sign of her and find her safe and sound at the end of the trail. He realized that he would rather see her in the arms of the doctor than find out that she might be hurt somewhere and all alone.

As much as the thought of seeing Kate with Jack hurt, he would prefer to see that happen than to find her body lying on the ground somewhere. He wanted it more than anything because that would mean that she was safe and happy, and also because than he wouldn't have to kill Jack.

If it turned out that Kate was lost or hurt out in the jungle all by herself, he was going to hurt Jack so bad that he wouldn't be able to help himself. If she was hurt it was all Jack's fault, because she wouldn't have been running through the jungle if it weren't for him. Jack was the reason she had left him and run off into the rain. Jack was the reason that he would never hold her in his arms. Jack was the reason Kate would never love him back.

_Kate better be okay or else you'll be sorry Jack._

-----

Jack was cleaning up a cut on Walt's leg when Sawyer came running into the clearing. Jack looked up at Sawyer with confusion, he was out of breath and he looked both scared and angry at the same time. Sawyer was definitely the last person Jack wanted to see this morning, especially after what he saw last night.

"Where is she?" Sawyer demanded as he stalked over to the cave where Jack and Walt were seated.

"Where's who?" asked Walt.

"I thought she was with you. At least she was last night," Jack said with just a hint of jealousy.

"You saw that huh?" Sawyer smirked, he just couldn't help himself.

"So what did you do to screw things up?" Jack said with a little smirk of his own.

"Excuse me?" asked Sawyer.

For the first time, since landing on the island, Jack let his emotions get the better of him and he couldn't stop the words that came out. "Well obviously you didn't wake up with her, so I'm just assuming you did something to make her take off. And it must have been something pretty bad to have you come here, thinking she came to me."

"Whatever man, listen, is she here or not? That's all I want to know."

"No she's not here," Jack said, "Shouldn't she be down at the beach?"

"Listen if you have to know the truth, she saw you last night and ran after you okay. I didn't spend the night with her."

"She came running after me last?"

"Yeah she went chasing after you. I followed her and tried to get her to give up on you, told her you were a waste of time, but you know her, when she has her mind set on something you can't change her mind. The last time I saw her, she was heading in this direction."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Come on man, you think I would freely admit something like that to you if I wasn't sure."

"Alright, you got a point but, if she came this way, why didn't I or anyone else here see her?"

"I don't know okay, I just know that I'm worried about her. She's not at the beach, and if she isn't here, I'm scared something happened to her."

It was weird for Jack to see Sawyer so honest and worried and so human. That was probably what Kate saw in him. But then he thought, if she was into Sawyer, why was she chasing after him through the jungle? It was then that he remembered the noises he had heard the night before. He thought that he heard Kate calling out to him when he stopped to rest, but at the time he passed it off to his mind playing tricks on him. But if what Sawyer had said was true, than maybe it was her calling out to him.

The thought made his heart swell until he remembered the other noises he passed off as tricks of the mind. The growling and the scream. Jack jumped to his feet and took off towards the trail looking for the tree that he had leaned against when he stopped to rest on his way back. The only thoughts running through his head were, that he had to find Kate, and that if she was hurt, he would never forgive himself.

He came to the tree that he had stopped at but kept running. He didn't stop until he had run around the bend in the trail. If he had heard her last night, she couldn't have been too far away or else the sound of the rain would have drowned her out. He was searching the ground and the bushes on the edge of the trail looking for a sign of where Kate might have gone. Sawyer finally caught up with Jack and stopped a few feet away from him. Jack looked up as he approached but as soon as he saw who it was he turned back to what he was doing. Neither man said a word as the searched for any sign of Kate.

It was about a minute later when Jack saw the claw marks in the dirt heading off to the right. He didn't want to believe that Kate might be hurt or that she might be dead because of a polar bear, he wanted to ignore the feeling deep down in his gut that he should follow the bear's tracks. But he couldn't ignore his gut or the sinking feeling in his chest, so without another thought, he went through the bushes and followed the trail, with Sawyer close behind him.

Hurley was just coming up the path when he saw both Jack and Sawyer disappear into the bushes. But as much as he liked Kate, he wasn't about to go tramping through the jungle with the polar bears and monsters. It was bad enough hiking through the jungle, along the path, when it was a nice, sunny day, but when it was grey and raining, it just made it that much worse. As he passed the spot where he saw the men disappear, he paused for a moment to wish them luck and than he continued on towards the caves.

-----

Jack raced through the trees and the bushes, not noticing the leaves and branches that scratched his face and arms, he only cared about one thing and one thing alone. He slowed only when he came into a clearing and couldn't see any trace of the polar bears tracks. He stopped and spun in circles, searching everywhere for any sign of where Kate might have gone. He prayed for some sort of sign, any kind of sign, but then a something caught his eye and he prayed that it wasn't what he thought it was.

As he got closer to the tree, he wanted to take back his prayer, this wasn't the kind of sign he wanted. He reached forward and touched the dark substance that was running down the trunk of the tree. It was blood and he could see a trail of it going up the tree. He guessed that she must have climbed up the tree to get away from the bear, but he didn't want to think about how her blood was covering the tree.

"Maybe it isn't hers, maybe it's the bears," Sawyer said from behind him. Jack looked up and saw in Sawyer's eyes the same thing that he was sure could be seen in his own eyes. Doubt and a false sense of hope. They both somehow knew that it was Kate's blood and that she was hurt somewhere.

Jack circled around to the other side of the tree looking for the place where Kate had gotten out of the tree. He found a pair of footprints heading farther off into the jungle and started to follow them. His heart sunk farther and farther every time he saw a spot of blood on the grass next to the trail he was following.

As he raced along, he felt tears starting to form in his eyes. He couldn't believe how close she was and how he just walked away. He couldn't help thinking that if anything happened to her, it would be all his fault, but something had already happened to her. She was all alone and hurt and she might even be dead, but couldn't and wouldn't accept that. Even in his heart, he felt that she was still alive but that she needed him desperately, and that they were running out of time.

Jack suddenly felt his feet slide out from under him and he started to slide down a hill. He was able to keep his feet below him and was able to dodge some of the trees on his way down. Sawyer, on the other hand, stopped in time after he saw Jack go down and watched from above as Jack slide down the hill and out of sight under the canopy of trees and bushes.

Jack didn't stop until his feet hit a rock and he flipped over top of it. He lay on his back for a couple minutes trying to regain the breath that had been knocked out of him. When he was finally able to breathe, he turned onto his side and that was when he saw Kate. She was lying completely still and there was blood slowly leaking out of a cut on her head and her left pant leg was ripped and completely soaked with blood. He slid over to her and felt her neck for a pulse and found one but barely.

Jack vaguely heard Sawyer calling his name and asking if he was alright, but he didn't care about answering him. He looked down on Kate's face and saw the many little scratches from the branches. He took his hand and slid it up her face softly calling her name, willing her to wake up. He watched and waited for her eyes to open but they didn't, she didn't move at all. He knew that he had to get her back to the caves where he had his bandages and everything else he would need to fix her up; he just prayed that he could save her.

He picked her up and started to climb up the hill but with the first few steps he kept sliding back down. He searched for a way up the hill and finally found one. There was a narrow trail that had roots sticking out of the ground every couple feet. He took his time making his way up the hill, taking care where he put his placed his feet. The last thing he wanted to do was drop her in the state she was in.

As he neared the top of the hill, he saw Sawyer come into view and he helped Jack up the last few yards. When he got to the top and paused a moment to rest he saw the look of concern cross Sawyer's face. He offered to carry Kate for him but Jack refused, he was going to make sure nothing else happened to her. He paused for only one more second before he headed off, back towards the caves.

-----

Kate woke up to the sound of the rain hitting the ground and the trees. At first she thought that she had just dreamed the last 24 hours that she remembered because, it was so dark that she couldn't see anything, and if she had really fallen down a hill, she would have felt the rain hitting her but she didn't. In fact, she felt warm and dry and better than she had in a long while.

It wasn't until she rolled over onto her side and felt the cold hard ground instead of sand, that she knew something had happened. She was about to call out for someone when she heard movement behind her. She heard the click of a lighter and then she saw her surroundings. She was in a cave and there was a blanket below her and a blanket covering her.

There was more movement behind her and then the person holding the lighter moved around so that he was in front of her. She looked up to see Jack's face full of concern and relief. He almost looked like he was really happy to see her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Jack asked softly so as not to wake the other survivors.

"I feel fine but what happened?" Kate asked back matching his quietness.

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"I remember being attacked by a polar bear and than I fell down the side of a hill."

"So you do remember, that's good. It means that you didn't suffer any permanent brain damage when your head hit that rock."

"But if that did happen, how did I get here, and why am I wearing a different pair of clothes?"

"To answer the first question, Sawyer and I went out looking for you and when I fell down the same hill as you and landed right beside you. I carried you back and fixed you up as best I could. I'm afraid that the black thread ran out, so I had to use a different color to stitch up the gashes on your leg. I hope you don't have anything against blue."

Kate laughed at the inside joke. Then she realized that she had never had and inside joke before, she had never known anyone long enough. The thought brought her back to a somber mood.

"You didn't answer my second question," she reminded him.

"I sent Sawyer back to the beach to get another pair of clothes for you. You had been out in the cold rain all night and I needed to get you out of your wet clothes. And to set your mind at ease, neither Sawyer nor I changed you because I knew that if you found out we did, you'd kick out asses."

"Then who did change my clothes? Hurley?"

Jack laughed and then answered, "No, I asked Sun and Claire to change you."

"Good to know. So how am I doing doctor?"

"Well you scared me there for a while but I can see now that…"

Jack didn't finish his sentence because a look of pain crossed Kate's features.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I think that whatever drug you gave me is starting to wear off," she said with a hiss.

"I'll give you some more, just hold on a second."

"No don't worry about it I can take the pain, besides you should save some in case someone else gets hurt."

"Are you sure 'cause I can give you some more?"

"Yeah I'm sure, I've felt a lot worse before."

Jack nodded and sat back down beside Kate gently smoothing her hair 'til she fell back to sleep.

-----

Three days passed until Kate was able to get up and move around on her feet. She walked with a limp because of the gashes the bear left on her leg but she was able to make it around alright. During that time, everyone came to see how she was doing and to wish her well. Even Sawyer came at least once a day to check up on her and to see if she needed anything that Jack couldn't get for her.

It was on the fourth day of being in the caves that Kate started to pack up her things to head back to the beach. Jack, who was talking with Michael not too far away, noticed and came over.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked her.

"I'm heading back to the beach now that I can move around again."

"Why? Kate the caves are a lot safer and I can watch over you better here."

"Listen Jack, I understand where you're coming from, but I'm just not ready to give up."

"But I haven't given up Kate, can't you see that? I haven't given up hope that rescue will come, I just don't think it will be any time soon. All I'm trying to do is keep us alive until it gets here, and I think the best chance for that to happen is here in the caves."

"I know Jack, you're most likely right, but I'm still not ready to just dig in. Too much has happened in my past that it's hard for me to even think about settling down for a long time."

Jack was getting frustrated and started raising his voice, "Well what happened to you in your past Kate? What was so bad that you can't dig in? What is it you're always running from? It couldn't have been that bad. Or is it that you're just running off, back to Sawyer?"

Kate was hurt and angry with him at the same time. She wanted to yell and scream at him but most of all she wanted to tell him the truth. She wanted to get it out into the open and than it wouldn't be between them anymore. But the thought of telling anyone the whole truth scared her to death. She had only told one person about her past, and that was only because she thought that he could help her, that he wouldn't take her to jail if he knew the truth. She had been wrong in telling him and so the thought of telling someone else, especially Jack scared her because she didn't want to lose Jack. Most of all, she didn't want to be betrayed by Jack.

Instead of saying anything to Jack, Kate just picked up her bag and started walking towards the path. She could hear Jack following behind her so she picked up her pace only a little. She didn't want to make it look like she was running away and her leg hurt too much to go any faster.

She couldn't believe Jack would say the things he did, it didn't seem like him at all. He was always so calm and collected, he never had an outburst like that before. The only time that even came close was when he was trying to get everyone to calm down after he came back from his day in the jungle. Plus she never would have expected Jack to say the kind of things that he had said. About her running off to Sawyer, she had no idea where that had come from.

She felt his hand grab her arm after they were out of sight of the camp, but before he could turn her, she yanked her arm free and despite the protest from her leg, she sped up. She was almost running and her leg was screaming in pain when she felt his hands on her shoulders again.

This time she let him turn her, the pain in her leg was too great to keep moving. At the same time she didn't want to face him, she just wanted to be left alone.

"Kate," Jack said, his voice sounding harsher than he had meant it to because he was out of breath.

"What Jack? What do you want to know? Do you want to know that on my eighth birthday, my dad went out to get me my birthday present and died in a big car accident?" Kate practically screamed at him.

"Listen Kate…" Jack tried to say but was cut off by Kate.

"Do you want to know that social services shipped me off to live with my mother who by the way, walked out on my father and I when I was two years old? Not to mention she ran off with my father's best friend. They ended up having a kid about two years later who happened to be the only decent person in that family.

"Would you like to know that my mother was a drunk who liked to hit whatever was in her way, which was usually my sister or me, or whatever pissed her off, which was really easy to do when she was drunk? Do you want to know that my new stepfather was an angry man who liked to hit things too, and that he would come into my room at night after my mother had passed out?"

Jack looked down with shame in his eyes and Kate knew that she should stop, but she couldn't.

"Yeah that's right Jack, my stepfather had a thing for young girls. For six years he would come into my room at night and I never said a word, you want to know why? Because he threatened that he would hurt Sarah if I said anything. He threatened that he would do the same things and worse to her, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Than one night I watched as he went into her room instead of mine. I freaked out and went and got his gun that he hid in his room. All those years I didn't say anything, all those years I just let him do what he wanted to me to save her, and he was going to break his promise."

She paused to take a breath, tears streaming down her face. Jack still couldnot look her in the eye.

"I shot him twice. Once in the crotch, and one in the chest. The noise from the gun woke up my mother and she came in screaming and crying, telling me that I was an evil child and that the police were going to throw me in jail for what I had done.

"I knew she was right and I wasn't about to leave Sarah alone to be raised by my drunken mother, so I packed two bags that night and I took Sarah and left before the police arrived.

"Then after we left I found out that the police wanted me for both murder and kidnapping, so I hide Sarah away some place and took off on my own. It was while I was on my own that I discovered the way to use men to my advantage. I learned how to manipulate them into getting what I wanted, which was usually some food, a place to stay and some money.

"See the trick was to get them to take me out to dinner and then back to their place for the night, which let's face it wasn't too hard. Than before they woke up I would go through their wallet and take their credit cards and cash and I would leave. I became very good at picking out the men too. I came to the point where I could con one man and be set for a month before I would have to find another man to use.

"Than one guy I picked happened to be the son of a very prominent judge in Miami. He had a lot of pull with a couple US Marshals and that is how I met our little friend. I thought that he would believe me if I told him the truth, which he did at first, but when he was still planning on taking me in, I used my charm to get him in the position where I was able to escape. Let's just say that it just made him really eager to catch me again. He became obsessed with tracking me and bringing me down.

"Anyway, as I was trying to stay below his radar, I met up with a couple guys who needed a third in this scam they had come up with. I badly needed the cash so I agreed to help them out. Needless to say, the job went sour and I ended up in police custody. It was then that they matched me to the murder and kidnapping charges from seven years earlier.

"When they were transporting me to a holding cell, I was able to get away yet again and I went on the run for another four years until the marshal caught up with me in Australia. The reason he caught me was because I had stayed in one place for too long. So taht's why it is hard for me to just jump in and start settling down. Everytime I do I either lose someone or something bad happens to me."

She paused for a moment, waithing for a reation from Jack. He only stared at the ground, hiding his face from her. "You wanted to know about my past Jack, so now you do."

With that Kate stopped talking and let herlegs give out and she crumpled to the ground, the tears still falling from her eyes. Jack was beside her in an instant with his arms around her, comforting her. She just held onto him as she let all her emotions out for the first in her life. She cried for her father, for Sarah, for everything she had gone through, and Jack cried with her.

_No one knows what it's like  
__To be mistreated  
__To be defeated  
__Behind blue eyes_

**

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Well there is yet another chapter. I hoped you enjoyed it. I will try to update as soon as I can. And I don't know about you, but I'm going to go to bed now.**


	8. What To Say?

**A/N- I know, I know, I know, this took me forever to update and I am terribly sorry. I had a really bad case of writers block or a really big brain fart, but I cleared it up tonight.  
I just have to say that it was really weird watching last weeks episode. I couldn't believe how close I was about the whole thing with Jack and his dad. I may have been close about Jack's past, but I have to admit, I couldn't be farther off from Kate's.  
Ohwell, life goes on, you'll just have to ignore anything about Kate's past that comes up in the show.But seeing as I've already made you wait long enough, I won't keep you any longer. I hope you enjoy it. **

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Jack had carried Kate and her things back to the caves after she had fallen asleep, crying on his shoulder. He now sat with his back against the side of his cave with Kate's head resting on his lap. He was gently stroking her hair and her face when she opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Hey there," Jack whispered to her.

"Hi," Kate whispered back.

Neither said anything for the longest time because neither knew what to say. Kate had opened up to him, she spilled her heart out, she let him see her vulnerable side and now she didn't know what else to say. What more could she say? Jack on the other hand didn't know how to voice the things he felt after hearing her confession. He didn't know how to tell her he was sorry; sorry for the things she went through; sorry for making her tell him everything.

He felt horrible for the way he treated her and for the things that had happened to her, but at the same time he felt great knowing that she trusted him enough to tell him about her past. He didn't know if that meant that she wanted to have a relationship with him or not, but even if she didn't feel the same way he did, he was happy to know that she felt something for him, whether it was trust or respect or something else, it was still something.

He knew it was hard for her to tell him the things that she did, and he knew that she was probably feeling really vulnerable at the moment, so he felt the need to ease her fears. He didn't know how he could do that or what to say to make her feel better, but he knew he had to think of something fast.

He could tell her that he didn't care about the things she had done in her past, but he didn't think she would believe him. He could voice his sympathy about the things she had gone through, but he knew that she would see it as pity and Kate was the kind of girl who didn't like being pitied. He could do a number of things but none of them seemed right.

-----

Kate held his gaze for as long as she could, trying to read his thoughts. She saw in his eyes confusion, pain, need, indecision, and what she thought and hoped was love. She wanted him to say something, anything, but he remained silent. And because the way he was looking at her was so intense, she had to look away. When she took a chance, and looked back into his eyes, his mouth opened and words started to spill out.

"I never told you the reason I had gone to pick up my dad in Australia," Jack started than continued, not waiting for her to respond. "He had gone on one of his little escapades again. He' done it from time to time before, whenever something happened that he couldn't take. This time he left because of me and what I had done."

Kate wanted to say something, to tell him that he didn't need to do what he was doing, but she knew that he needed to get things off his chest, just like she had done earlier. So she remained silent and let him continue at his own pace, she wasn't going to push him.

"It happened this one day when I had shown up late for work again. My dad, you see, was a doctor at the same hospital as me, and was also a surgeon. Anyway, I was prepping for surgery when he came in and started berating me for making him look bad by showing up late. Then he told me that he was going to perform my operation and that I was just supposed to stand there and watch. I had smelled whiskey on his breath and tried talking him out of going into the operation room and operating on the man, but he can be a very stubborn person. Kind of like you actually."

This brought a little chuckle out of Kate, but she still did not say anything, she knew he was far from being finished.

"Every person on staff in the operation room, knew that my father was intoxicated but everyone was so scared of him that they weren't about to go against him, so the procedure went on. Anyway, without going into all the details, he messed up and when he tried to fix it, he made things worse. I had tried to jump in and take over but he wouldn't have it, he even slugged me.

"When he realized that the patient was as good as dead and that he couldn't do anything to save him, he just walked out of the room without saying a single word. After he left I tried to fix the mistakes he had made but it was no use and the man died. The worst part was, it was up to me to go and tell the family the bad news.

"The man's wife had grabbed onto me and held me so close as she cried. It was then that I decided to change my life around, and that started with my father. I decided right then and there not to let him walk over me anymore. That day I went to the medical board and told them what my father had done. After I did, more people brought stories forward about him being drunk during operations, and about patients dying because of mistakes he had made that they had lied about. He had his medical license taken away that day and after he left, I quit.

"And it was because he wasn't able to practice medicine anymore, that he had run off to Australia and overdosed in an alley. It was because of me that my dad is dead now."

Kate sat up and wiped a tear away from Jack's eye. "I know that you won't believe me when I say this, but it wasn't your fault Jack."

"If it weren't for me going to the medical board and ratting on him, he would still be alive today."

"How can you be so sure? You said it yourself that he had gone on these 'escapades' before, who's to say he wouldn't have gone on one and died anyway. I know you don't want to here it but you did the right thing. Think of the people who might have had him as a doctor in the following days, weeks, months or even years. Think about the people who could have died because of more mistakes that your father might have made if he operated drunk again. You probably saved the lives of a lot of people and that is nothing to feel bad about."

"Neither is protecting your sister."

Kate paused for a moment, letting the shock of his words wear off. How could he know that she felt guilty?

"It's not so much that I feel guilty for killing him, which I do a little but, it's more about the things I did later in life. The way I would use men and the things I did with them just to get some money, it makes me sick just thinking about it. And what's worse is that I put this stereotype on all men, that they were all like my stepfather. I hated men, and only got close to them to get what I needed, I only saw them as a meal-ticket until…" she let the sentence fade, not realizing what she was about to say until the last minute. Sure they were sharing things with each other but she didn't want to ruin it by saying anything about her feelings for him.

"Until what?" Jack asked.

Kate remained silent; she didn't want to tell him the truth. He was the first man she had ever had real feelings for and she didn't know if she could take a rejection from him.

"Please Kate," Jack pleaded with her. And because of the way he said it she told him the truth.

"Until you," was all she said and she turned away from him, fearing his reaction.

-----

Jack was stunned. He had hoped she would say something along the lines of that but he truthfully didn't expect it. He was so shocked by those two little words that he didn't move or say anything for a few seconds. Then he noticed that Kate had turned away from him and was about to get up and leave. He quickly reached out and put his hand softly on her arm and held her in place. Then he placed his other hand underneath her chin and slowly turned her head so that she was facing him, but her eyes remained fixated on the ground.

"Kate," he said softly, "Please look at me."

He saw her hesitate then she slowly brought her gaze up to meet his. He saw fear in her eyes and knew that she was scared about what he would say, so he smiled and said, "I know exactly how you feel Kate. I've never really cared about anyone throughout my entire life, even though I was married at one point, though I'm not anymore. That was one of the other things I changed about my life that day.

"But ever since that day I met you on the beach, when I asked you to stitch me up and you made the joke about my color preference, I've been drawn to you. I found myself looking at you all the time and thinking about you when you weren't around. The reason I told you that you didn't have to tell me about your past that day, was because I had this perfect image of you in my mind and I didn't want to ruin it. But now that I know the truth, it just makes me love you all the more."

Jack saw the look of relief wash over her face but it was quickly replaced by something else.

"Did you just say that you love me?" Kate asked with a small smile.

"I believe I did. Does that scare you?" Jack answered.

"A little, but at the same time, it's kinda nice."

A smile crossed Jack's face as he brought up his hand and gently caressed her face. He slowly leaned forward and briefly brushed his lips against hers. He backed away, not knowing if he was moving to fast and scaring her. But when she brought her hand up to his neck and pulled him towards her, he couldn't hold back. He kissed her deeply and she responded. Little did they know that Sawyer had just walked through the bushes and seen the whole thing.

-----

After they broke apart, they sat side by side, with Jack's arm around Kate's waist and her head resting on his shoulder. Neither said a word for a long time, they just sat in a comfortable silence, content and at peace. But after a while Kate felt that the silence needed to be broken, plus she felt she could really trust Jack and she wanted to tell him everything. She didn't want there to be any more secrets between them.

"The night I left with my sister, we walked for about a mile before we got on a bus and headed north as far as we could. I didn't want to get on a bus that close to home because I thought that it would be the first place they would look. We walked for hours through the pouring rain, me carrying both of our duffle bags and Sarah just trying not to break down.

"By the time we got to the bus stop, I could barely feel me fingers or my toes, and Sarah was shivering so violently that a couple people we passed that she was having a seizure. But I paid for our bus fares and we road the bus until the driver said he was heading back into the main area of the city. We got off near the outskirts of Los Angeles and sat in a diner near the highway until we were somewhat warm.

"It was there that we talked to a trucker who was headed up to Sacramento, and he offered us a ride. He was a nice guy who was hopelessly in love with Dolly Parton, so the whole drive up, we probably listen to every song of hers that she ever did. So you can understand why I absolutely hate Dolly Parton now.

"Anyway, after he stopped in Sacramento, we said goodbye and walked along the side of the highway until we got picked up by a young couple just out of college. They were heading up the coast and took pity on us, 'cause basically we looked like crap, and even let us stay in their hotel room for the night. They took us with them the next day as well and after they got to Port Angeles we said goodbye to them as well.

"From there we snuck onto a fairy that was headed to Victoria and we found an old abandoned shack to sleep in for the night. The next morning we hitched a ride to Nanaimo and from there we snuck onto another fairy heading to Vancouver. We almost got caught that time, but this nice old man told the security guards that we were his grandchildren. He figured we were down on our luck so he took us to a restaurant and paid for our meal. From there he drove us as far as Kelowna where he lived.

"That night he took us into his home and his wife happily fed us a warm meal, washed our clothes and let us take a hot shower. They made up a bed for us in their spare bedroom and that night after Sarah had fallen asleep, they told me that his wife had seen me on the news. She told me that they were claiming that I killed had killed my father and then kidnapped my sister.

"They were so nice and caring and trustworthy that they said they weren't going to tell anyone that they had seen us. When I asked them why, they told me that they didn't believe it was true because Sarah seemed afraid of everyone but me and if the other part was true, then I probably had a very good reason for doing what I did. They thought I was a sweet girl, and not some sociopath that went around killing people for no good reason.

"Then they told me that they would offer to take care of us but that they didn't have enough time, strength or money raise two growing girls. But they told me that they new someone who could take us as far as Lethbridge. We would be on our own after that but he didn't think it would be safe for us to stay there.

"So after his friend drove us to Lethbridge, he told to stay away from the highway because he didn't want us getting picked up by someone who might recognize us and take us to the authorities.

"I was afraid of staying in the city so I took Sarah and we walked for two days, taking shelter in run down shacks or old burrows that had been abandoned. The next day a big storm came upon us, and as we were trying to find somewhere to get out of the rain, Sarah spotted a farm not that far away. We hurried towards it, and in the middle of the night, we found a way inside and buried ourselves under some hay to keep warm.

"The next day, Harry, who owned the farm, came in to feed the horses and found us curled up together and fast asleep. When he woke us up I freaked out and tried to grab Sarah and run but he got a hold of her and wouldn't let her go. I thought he was going to turn us into the police or do something worse, but somehow he managed to calm both of us down. He said he wasn't going to hurt us, he just wanted to know if we were hungry.

"He took us inside and we met his wife Sandy, and right away we felt safe. They reminded us of the elderly couple who had helped us out in Kelowna and at first they didn't seem to recognize us. The offered us food and a warm bed to sleep in if we helped out with the farm chores. Of course right away I agreed and I offered to show Sarah what to do.

"We had been there for a couple weeks, when one night, I overheard them talking about the latest news broadcast. They were talking about how they had seen Sarah and I on TV and how the police were expanding their search for me. They said how the police assumed that I had already killed Sarah and hid the body somewhere and that I was now wanted for a double homicide.

"It was than that I made my presence known and they told me that they didn't care about what I had done, that they loved both me and my sister and that they wanted to take care of us. They told me that they had known who we were ever since the day Harry found us in the barn, and that after knowing us only a couple of days, they had been looking into making false identities.

"They had found a guy that was willing to make up all the necessary papers but that it cost a lot of money only for one set. I knew what they were saying so I told them to take care of Sarah, and not to let anyone hurt her again, and then I went upstairs and packed my bag. Before I left, I wrote Sarah a letter, explaining why I had to leave, that I loved her and that I would come back and see her again, and then I slipped it under her pillow.

"As I was about to head out the door, Sandy showed up behind me with her coat on, her keys in her hand and two umbrellas. In the truck, on the way to the bus station, she told me that she didn't want to see me go, that if they had the choice, they would keep both Sarah and I and raise us like their own. She told me that her and Harry had been trying to have kids for years but were never successful, and that after meeting us and only being with us for two weeks, they had come to love both of us as if we were actually their children.

"We both started crying when she told me that it felt like she was losing a daughter so soon after finally getting one. And when we got to the bus station, she paid for my ticket to Toronto, gave me an envelope filled with cash, and hugged me so tightly as she said goodbye. Then she told me that if I ever needed anything, that I could always come back to them, that their door would always be open to me. And well I'll spare you the details of what followed after that. I'm sure you have a pretty good idea already."

Kate tried to lighten the mood with her last sentence, as Jack wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes. His heart broke for her, she had been through so much at such a young age, and yet still, here she was today, strong, caring, beautiful, spirited and independent. It was easy to see why no one suspected Kate to be the owner of the handcuffs, or even come close to knowing what was in her past. Most people on the island probably thought she was a teacher or a waitress or an executive of some kind, not a convict.

"I never told anyone that before," Kate whispered to him.

"But I thought you said you told the marshal your story, hoping he would let you go?" Jack asked confused.

"I told him everything up to the part about me taking off with Sarah. I told him that Sarah was still alive but I never told him where she was. I didn't trust anyone enough with that secret."

"What are you saying? Are you telling me you trust me? Or do you believe that none of us are making it off this island so you think it's okay that I know, because you think that I will never be able to tell anyone about it?"

"I told you because I do trust you and also because contrary to your last question, I do believe that we will make it off this island and I was hoping you would do me a favor when we do."

"Really? And what would this favor be?"

"Well seeing as if we get rescued, the first thing they are going to do is put me back in handcuffs and through me in jail. And I was hoping that you would be willing to take Sarah a message for me. You know, just let her know that I'm sorry for leaving her without saying goodbye, that I loved her very much and still do. Tell her that I never stopped thinking about her, that I thought about her everyday, wondering if she was okay and how her life was going. Tell her that she was the reason I never gave up or gave in, that I was planning to one day get enough money so that I could come and get her and that we could live together again."

"After all those years, you never went to see her?"

"I did, once. It was after I got away from the marshal. It just made me really think about her and I had to see her, plus I had stored away enough money for us to start out on our own."

"So why didn't you?"

"For a lot of reasons. The police were going to be after me even more after my little stunt and I didn't want to bring her into the kind of life I had been living. I didn't know if she would remember me after all these years, or hate me for what I had done. And I didn't want her to see the kind of person I had become."

"Do you honestly think she could ever forget you? You saved her from a horrible nightmare and took her to safety. She might have hated you for leaving her there and for never coming to see her but after seeing you again she would have forgiven you in a second."

"I know, but the biggest reason was that when I went there and saw her, she just looked so happy. I had never seen her as happy as I had seen her that day and I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't want to bring back those awful memories of so long ago, for her or for me. I could see that she had built a good life for herself without me and I didn't want to take her away from that. She had found herself a real family and a good life and I couldn't see myself being a part of it. So before she could see me, I turned around and left. I would love to be able to say that I never looked back, but I did, many times. I even found myself slightly envious of her. She was living the life that I used to before my father died. I knew it was a life I would always cherish and remember and I knew that I would never know that kind of life again."

Jack hugged Kate closer to him and kissed her on the forehead. He held her tightly as she held onto him, feeling a safeness and a kind of comfort that she had never felt before. She loved the fact that she had found someone that she could show her vulnerabilities to and know that he wouldn't think her weak. She loved how she could be totally honest with him without having to force herself to tell the truth. She loved everything about him, especially the way he was holding her at that moment.

_No one knows how to say  
__That they're sorry  
__And don't worry  
__I'm not telling lies_

**

* * *

Well there is chapter 8, I hope you liked it. Again I'm sorry it took so long to get here. I will try my hardest not to do it again. To all of those who care, there will be two more chapters until this fic is finished. Then maybe I will write another one, and maybe I won't, who knows. I can promise it will have a good ending, for all characters involved. Thanks to all those that are still reading this, and hope that you continue to do so. Tah tah for now.**


	9. Dreams of Tomorrow

**A/N- Okay I'm really, really, really,really,really sorry. I knew I said it wouldn't take that long for me to update again, and now here it is, what three or four weeks later. Again I'm really sorry, I really am, but you know how it is with all the holiday stuff going on. There was just so much to do, plus all the snowboarding and parties. But that is done for now, well at least the parties. But anyway without further waiting, here is chapter 9.**

* * *

Kate never thought that she would be here, like this, in this moment like she was. And not the whole plane crash, stuck on an island with scary monsters and a sixteen year old transmission from some French lady. She meant sitting here, in the arms of an incredible man who she genuinely loved and knowing he new the whole truth about her, yet he still felt the same way about her that she did about him.

She had dreamed about this day for so long but never thought that it would happen. It just never seemed possible, yet here she was and it was twenty times better than she could have ever imagined. Especially that kiss. She had kissed so many men over the years, but not one kiss from any of those men had ever left her breathless like his did. Not one of those men had ever made her feel like she did right now wrapped in Jack's arms.

Kate felt more content then she had ever felt before. Sitting in the dim cave with Jack's arms wrapped around her, her head resting on his shoulder and his head resting on hers, she couldn't think of any place she'd rather be. She felt like she had finally found her way home again.

_The trip that had seemed to take so long before now seemed to speed by. A lot had changed over the years; old buildings had been knocked down, new houses had been built where there once hadn't been any and the colors seemed much sharper and brighter. Though she suspected that it was she herself that had changed the most over the years._

_She watched the landscape roll by out of the windows of the truck, willing the wheels to slow down, praying for more time. This trip scared her more than anything had before. She was so nervous that she was sure she wouldn't be able to get out of the truck once they got there, so she tried to think of something else to relax herself just a little. But the questions wouldn't stop rolling through her head. _Will she recognize me? What will she say? Will she ever forgive me for what I did?

_She felt the truck slowly coming to a stop and looked up out the front window. They were there, it was time. She tried to reach for the seatbelt but found her hands and arms unwilling to move. She couldn't do this._

_He could tell she was nervous and scared by the way she kept fidgeting in her seat. He hated seeing her like this and he hated putting her through it, but he knew that after it was done she would feel a lot better. So he shut off the engine and undid his seatbelt. He reached across the car seat and placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a squeeze. The least he could do was not to make her go through it alone._

_She felt his hand squeeze hers so she looked to him and met his eyes. In them she saw comfort, strength and reassurance and it gave her the courage to get out of the truck and take a few steps towards the house. She could do anything if he was by her side, ready to catch her. _

_He came up behind her and placed a hand on her back, gently pushing her forward. She looked over at him and the little girl he held in his arms. In those two beings she found the courage and the strength to continue. With everything she had been through this should be the easiest thing she had ever done. So she walked forward and knocked on the door._

_After waiting a few minutes with no answer, they turned to go when they heard a squeal from the back yard. She took a hold of his hand and they slowly walked around the porch, and when they turned the last corner she stopped dead in her tracks. She could only stand there and stare._

_What she saw was an elderly couple sitting at a picnic table making hotdogs and cutting up fruit. There was a handsome man holding his year old son on a tire swing as his wife stood back and took pictures. Everyone one of them was smiling and laughing and happy._

_When Jack looked over at Kate he saw tears rolling down her cheeks and felt his eyes start to water as well. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. He knew that no matter what happened next, it was a good thing they had come. Neither he nor she would ever forget this day._

_Kate took the comfort Jack provided when he put his arm around her. She looked back at him and than at their daughter held them both close. When she finally let go, she grabbed Jack's hand once again and walked forward. It wasn't until they had made it halfway across the yard before they were noticed._

_Sarah had thrown her head back when she had been laughing, and as she slowly brought it back down she saw them. In that moment Kate stopped walking and Sarah became quiet and still. When everyone else notice the change in her and the camera that had fallen out of her hand, they all turned to see what she was starring at and everything grew silent. No one knew what to say or do so they just stood there._

_Kate felt like she was going to be sick; this was the moment of truth. She knew she should say something but she couldn't find the right words, none seemed to fit. But just when she was about to open her mouth, Sarah broke the trance in which they all seemed to be stuck, and walked towards Kate. _

_As she came closer, Kate could see the tears that were streaming down her sister's face. She still didn't know what was going to happen so she stood completely still until her sister came up to her and through her arms around her and hugged her close. Kate wrapped her arms around Sarah and held her tight, her tears coming down harder than they had before._

_They stood there for a long time, just holding each other and crying. When they finally broke apart, Kate looked to Jack and saw that he had been crying as well. Without saying a word she thanked him for making her come. Then she looked back at Sarah and the people that were now standing behind her. She looked to Harry and Sandy and saw that they also had been crying. Then they stepped forward and enveloped her in a big hug, and they all wept again._

_When they broke apart, Kate and Sarah hugged again, and as they held each other a second time Kate said that she was sorry._

"_What for?" Sarah asked, "You have nothing to be sorry for, except for staying away for so long. I have been waiting for the day when I could thank you for everything you did for me. So thank you, and welcome home."_

-----

Jack felt his eyes growing heavier and heavier but he struggled to keep them open. He was finally holding the most amazing woman in his arms and he didn't want to miss a second of it. The silky feeling of her hair against his cheek, the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she took each breath, it all seemed like a dream, like a fantasy that could never come true.

Yet as he sat there, feeling the warmth of her body pressed up against his, he knew that he wasn't dreaming, he knew that everything that happened and everything that was said, had really taken place. Her confessions as well as his, him saying that he loved her and their kiss. The kiss was amazing, the best and most passionate kiss he had ever had, and he could still feel her lips on his even now.

But his eyes grew heavier and heavier still, so he decided to give into sleep, knowing that his dreams tonight were going to be good dreams. But before he closed his eyes, he took one last look at the angel in his arms, kissed her lightly on the forehead and only then did he close his eyes and let sleep take over him.

_He was walking through the jungle, picking up pieces of firewood, when Charlie came hurtling through the bushes, scaring him half to death._

"_Jack, Jack you've got to hurry. Come on, let's go, we got to go now."_

"_Charlie slow down, what are you talking about?"_

"_Her water broke man, she going to have the baby right now. You've got to come."_

_As soon as the first words left Charlie's mouth, Jack was off and running at top speed towards the caves, the words 'she's going to have the baby' repeating over and over in his head. He didn't think about anything else except getting to her and he didn't stop running until he reached her side. And as soon as he got to her side he went straight into Doctor Mode and started prepping her as best he could for the delivery._

_He still couldn't believe it had been almost eight months to the day when Kate told him that she was pregnant. He can still remember that day as clear as if it had been the day before. They had gone to the beach to take a bath and as they were washing each other she turned to him and held his arms still. Then with her eyes facing the water she told him that she was late and that she was pretty sure she was pregnant._

_He remembered her being so scared that he was going to get mad or break up with her. He remembered how stunned she was when he hugged her close with a big smile on his face. He had always wanted to have kids, and in that moment he was the happiest man in the world._

_But now kneeling at her side, he wished that Kate hadn't gotten pregnant. He didn't want his child to be born on this island where there wasn't the best medicine to take care of it or of Kate if something went wrong during the delivery._

_He felt a little bit better knowing that Claire's delivery had gone perfectly without any complications, but this was his child and the woman he loved, so naturally he was more concerned and paranoid. He prayed to God that nothing bad would happen to either one of them._

_A baby's cry echoed through the jungle as she was brought into the world. Kate cried as finally held her baby in her arms and Jack let a tear slide down his cheek as he kissed them both. They were both okay, nothing had gone wrong. He was a daddy now._

_That night Jack held Kate close as they sat up watching their child sleeping in the little crib that had once been used by Claire's baby boy. They held onto each other, unable to remove the smiles from their faces. Neither could have been happier than they were in that moment._

"_Have you thought of a name yet?" Jack asked Kate._

"_I was thinking of the name Hope. What do you think?"_

"_I think that's a perfect name."_

_Jack then kissed her and they said goodnight to Hope before lying down and falling to sleep as well. That night he dreamed of a house with Kate and Hope sitting inside playing with a dog, Kate's stomach stretching the already large t-shirt._

_It was almost two weeks later when Jack went down to the beach with Kate and Hope. They gently washed Hope then they took turns holding her so the other could wash themselves. When they were done they went back to the beach and dried off and started heading back to the caves. Before they made it to the bushes the rain came out of nowhere and started pouring down on them. It was then that Kate remembered that she had left her sweater on the beach and headed back towards the water._

_It was then that they saw the ship on the horizon. Jack quickly gave Hope to Kate and ran to get the flag they had left on the beach. It was just an extra blanket that was a bright orange color that they thought would be good to signal a boat or plane. They had given up on keeping a fire going after the second month of being stuck on the island._

_Jack picked up the blanket and began waving it like crazy, thinking that it wasn't going to be any use; they weren't heading towards the island so why would anyone look this way. He was disappointed that he was going to be proven right when all of a sudden the boat began to turn._

_He kept waving the flag as he watched the boat come closer and closer. It was minutes before the boat got close enough that he and Kate could hear the boat's horn sounding through the rain. After they heard the horn three times, Jack dropped the blanket and ran over to Kate, disbelief written all over her face. He kissed both her and Hope before turning back around to watch the boat come to a stop about 100 feet off the shoreline. They watched as they saw the crew prepare the life boats and lower them into the water._

_Jack turned towards Kate and kissed her again. "We're finally going home. We're going home."_

-----

Sawyer still couldn't get the image of Kate kissing Jack out of his head. It kept replaying over and over in his mind like a bad movie. He had known that she liked him but he still had had some hope for a chance. He had only wanted a chance to show her that he could be the kind of man she wanted. A chance to show her that he wasn't the guy he showed to everyone else.

But now that chance was gone. She was with him now. Maybe he was meant to spend the rest of his life alone for what he had done. Maybe he was meant to spend the rest of his life being the person that everyone hated and despised. He didn't like the idea, but if that was what was meant to happen, he would just have to get used to it.

Then again, maybe he will find someone just as good as Kate. Someone just like her, who will love him in return. That is if they ever got off this stupid island. But then again, if he ever found someone like her, they would never be her. They would never be Kate. The Kate with the fire in her eyes, with the soft curly brown hair, with the gorgeous smile and the strength and determination that no one could ever duplicate. No one could ever compete with Kate. But she was with Jack, not with him.

_They were all sitting in the caves when Kate excused herself so that she could go to the bathroom. It was about five minutes after she left when they all heard the monster in the jungle followed by a scream from Kate. Without even thinking, they got up and were running towards where they heard the scream._

_When they got to where they thought the scream had come from they started looking for her and shouting out her name. Sawyer heard her calling from his left and he ran towards her voice. Sawyer stopped just short of the cliff that cut across his path. The others followed him and he stopped them all from going over the edge of the cliff._

_They all looked up at the sound of Kate's voice coming from in front of them. They saw her hanging from a tree branch about seven feet away from them. The tree was about 110 feet tall and only about 20 feet taller than were they were standing. There were no branches below Kate for her to put her feet on and Sawyer could see that she was starting to lose her grip._

"_Listen Kate, you're going to have to try and jump towards me okay."_

"_Are you insane? I'll never make it, and I don't know if you can see it, but that is a pretty long drop down to a very rocky bottom; a journey I'm not really fond of making thank you very much."_

"_First of all, yes I can see how far down it is. Second, I'm not really fond of you making that journey myself. Third, I'd really like for you to come up with a better plan."_

"_There's no way I can make it that far. I probably could make that jump if I had something to jump off of."_

"_You don't have to make it all the way here, just far enough for me to catch you. And I will catch you Kate."_

"_Even if you can catch me, how am I supposed to make it that far?"_

"_Try to swing yourself back and forth like you would on monkey bars. Then once you feel like you have enough momentum let go as you are swinging back towards me."_

"_I don't think I can do it."_

"_Yes you can, I believe in you Kate. I believe that you can make it."_

"_How can you believe that?"_

"_Because I believe in you and you just have to believe in yourself and trust me. Believe that I will catch you when you let go."_

"_But what about the baby? I don't want anything to happen to the baby."_

"_I promise I won't let anything happen to the baby or you okay. I promise, everything will be alright."_

"_But I'm so scared."_

"_So am I but we can do this, we just have to try."_

"_Okay. I'll do it, but you better catch me or I'll kick your ass."_

"_Deal. Now just try to swing yourself back and forth."_

_Everyone watched as she did as she was told. They watched as she began to move back and forth only slightly then slowly farther and farther._

"_Now when you're ready, swing yourself as hard as you can and try to throw yourself as hard as you can at me."_

_They watched as she swung a little more then everyone held their breath as she took a real hard swing and flung herself at him. They watched as she sailed through the air and as his arms came out to grab her. He caught one of her hands in his and as he got a hold he pulled her to him hard. They landed hard on the ground, Kate on top of him._

_Before they had a chance to catch their breaths, everyone else was picking them up and asking if they were okay. Kate just looked into his eyes and when she saw her chance she through herself at him and kissed him like he had never been kissed before._

_Everyone cheered around them as she hugged him and thanked him and kissed him. 'Him' Sawyer thought to himself, 'she's kissing him, not me.'_

_But my dreams they aren't as empty  
__As my conscience seems to be  
__I have hours, only lonely  
__My love is vengeance  
__That's never free_

**

* * *

Well there is the end of that chapter. I know it's not very long, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I'm hoping that it won't be as long for the final chapter. I'm hoping that tomorrow's episode will inspire me to write like a mad man on Thursday. And I just want to say, I can't wait for tomorrow night. First, a new episode of LOST, then right after, the two hour season premier of ALIAS. I'm soooo happy. Wednesday is going to be the best night in TV ever. Anyway I have to go to bed now, I need to stop writing so late at night.**


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